


Liquid Sky

by Somethingunknown



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Alternative Universe - Music School, Badass Rey, Breeding Kink, Consensual, DDLG, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Dominant Ben Solo, F/M, Feeding Kink, Kink Negotiation, Praise Kink, Size Kink, Submissive Rey (Star Wars), a non-werewolf is called a 'sto', light ddlg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:40:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24422923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somethingunknown/pseuds/Somethingunknown
Summary: More people have shown up, beginning to make it a little crowded. I turn back to the tv, putting on the pokemon game I had started last time I was here. I can still see Finn and Poe talking in the kitchen.I have just won my first badge, when someone comes to stand next to me. Someone with very long legs. All I see is black slacks."Enjoying the party?"A shiver runs down my spine. I recognize that voice. I tilt my head back to look up at the giant form of Ben, standing over me, holding two beers in his hands. How is he here?
Relationships: Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey & Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 14
Kudos: 127





	1. Try and see

**Author's Note:**

> The music:  
> All Rey's songs are from Dizzy Mizz Lizzy (danish rock band) or their lead singer. Ben's song is from Sort Sol (also danish rock band). The lyrics have been rearranged, shortened, genderbent and the like. Song titles at the end of each chapter. Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLrexKfKzq_OrthaGjqFXc3TLVYwBXByHO&feature=share
> 
> Danish writer:  
> I feel like a lot of non-native-english speakers drown in the masses, when we're just writing in english to share with the most people possible. So I just wanted to point it out.
> 
> Also, oh my god! I wrote a 30-something-k story! And I finished it. That's a big deal for me. Comments are kept in a box and cherished.

I keep looking up at the door to the auditorium everytime I hear a new sound. I wonder how well whoever's in there is doing. Will they give them the scholarship? What are their circumstances? Maybe they've seen war or been abused or something. Something a lot more horrible than my tame story. Maybe they play the guitar too. Only better.

I feel my heart stuttering, as I hear the door swing open, and I know it's me next. I have to go in there. The young man exiting the room comes up to me, clutching his clarinet, and tells me I can just go on in, before going to his parents, who are waiting for him. I swing my guitar onto my back and carry the amplifier with me inside. My right arm nearly shakes with exhaustion and nerves when I'm done and step in front of the panel. Three white men. Of course. They introduce themselves, and apparently one of them, the young one, is actually filling in for a woman, who's away playing a concert in Germany. I really don't care. I just want to get this over with and go home.

"And what's your name?" The man in the middle asks and looks looks down at his papers.

"Rey." 

"Rey Johnson?"

"Yes."

"And you're applying for the scolarship?"

"Yes."

"Can you tell us a little bit about yourself, Rey?"

Ugh. He wants to hear my tragic backstory. While I'm standing on this intimidating stage to be judged by two old white dudes, and some old white dudes son. 

"I'm 23 years old. I've been writing music since I was little." I shrug.

"Can you tell us a little about the extenuating circumstances, you believe qualifies you for financial aid?"

"Look, I thought I would just have to play music. I've put it all in my application, like it said." 

Part of me wants to beg them, to just let me play and part of me just wants to flip them off and get out of here. But I want it too bad to chicken out now. The old man sighs and leans back in his chair, with an indulgent smile. 

"Of course, miss Johnson. We'd love to hear you play."

I don't wait for any further encouragement, I just start strumming my guitar. The sound is nowhere near loud enough, the rugged vibrations dull and odd in the large auditorium. 

"  
Lost inside a dream, if you know what I mean.  
I am running round in circles

Misery was here, acting so sincere  
I am running round in circles with a friend

Digging in the moon with a silver spoon  
Now I'm stoned for a moment with a friend  
"

I try to let the sound take over, but it's just teething on the edge of my nerves. I breathe shakily, and look down on my fingers flying over the strings as if they have a mind of their own. I wish I wouldn't shake so much. I'm better than this. 

"  
I can't find you, where are you barbwired baby? Are you hiding? Please tell me what's inside the screen; is it a barbwired baby's dream?  
"

As I keep playing, I gradually immerse myself in the sound. My body starts relaxing a little more with each pick of a string. And then it's over. Done. The old man leans forward over the table again, his hands clasped.

"You sure have some talent, Rey." Was that condescending? "I think I have enough to decide-", he looks at the men flanking him for confirmation, prompting the young one to speak.

"I would like to hear more. On the acustic guitar, if you don't mind, your amplifier is rubbish."

Uh, rude. My amplifier is amazing consindering what it has been through. Besides, was I that bad?

"This is my only guitar," I shrug.

He gestures to the side of the stage, where I spot a zipped guitar case. I go over there and take it out without thinking much. It's been a long time since I've played the acustic. The last time was years ago at Finn's house when we were younger. It's not going to be as good.

"Whenever you're ready," the young one says nonchalantly, like my future doesn't depend on it.

The strings feel foreign under my warm fingertips. The thing is very bulky and it takes a while for me to manage it and find my rhythm. But they asked for it, so they can wait. 

"  
Close your eyes  
Maybe someone will apologize  
Maybe somehow you will hear what I'm  
Whispering at the top of my lungs  
"

I force my body to relax around the big guitar, even slack a little as I would with my Charvel. I try to just breathe, and let the music come by itself.

"  
Baby please  
Speak now or forever bite the leash  
Don't you see that I am on my knees  
Whispering at the top of my lungs

Close your eyes  
Because all is fine  
Loneliness is just a state of mind  
Whispering at the top of my lungs  
"

I look up from the strings and meet their gazes head on. I feel the wolf inside me instinctively, wanting to challange them. It makes me feel a little more powerful. The young man has a strange glint in his eyes, and the possibility hits me, that he might be a werewolf himself. He looks downwright dangerous the way he scowls at me.

"  
Someday I'd like to forgive you  
Someday I'd like to regret  
Someday I'd like to remember the good things  
That I seem to forget

I know that there's somebody out there  
I know that they're having a blast  
And now that it's time to surrender  
To you dear  
I find you here  
At last  
"

I run my fingers over the strings one last time. It's fine, no matter what they say. I did it. I went through with it, like I said I would. For once in my life.

"Much better." The old man says. Perhaps a little surprised?

"When did you start learning to play the guitar?" The young one asks.

"When I was a four or five, I think. We had an old guitar in the basement." I remember drawing my made up chords in different colors and hiding them under my pillow.

"No, I meant, how long have you recieved lessons?"

"I've never had lessons." 

Saying it makes me feel exposed. I feel out of place. I'm obviously to poor for their fancy academy.

"Not even in school?"

"No. But I learned how to read chords on the internet."

"Were your parents not supportive?"

It's like a punch to the gut. He looks at me so intently, that I just know, that he knows. And yet he still asks me that question.

"I've never had any parents."

"My apolgies." Arsehole. He looks at his fellow executioners and says something I can't hear. Then the old one adresses me again:

"Thank you very much, miss Johnson."

"Thank you." I parrot, before turning to put the guitar back in the case. The young man comes up on the stage and carries the amplifier for me. His arms are long and strong. This close, I can smell him. I'm not sure if it's a particularly werewolf sort of smell. But it's definitely something else. 

He leaves me in the door. 

"Tell the next one to come in."

"Okay."

"Godbye Rey."

"Goodbye..." Damnit I should have paid attention when he introduced himself. I look up at him, hoping he'll fill me in.

"Ben."

Huh. I scratch at my neck. Ben.

...

"So, Rey. My party on saturday... You gonna show?"

I hate private parties. I hate socializing. I glance at him, trying to look casual as he's packing up his gear. I know he really wants me to come. He's the kind of guy who needs to make everyone feel included.

"You can play on my Switch if you want." 

That's actually really nice of him.

"I don't know, Poe. I won't know anyone there."

"So invite that boyfriend of yours. Gene?"

"Finn. And he's definitely not my boyfriend; more like brother."

"Even more perfect. Is he cute?" 

"Uhh, yes he's absolutely beautiful, and far too good for you."

He tries to look wounded. "Ouch, Rey. But is that a yes?"

"If Finn can make it, then yeah, I'll come."

"That's the spirit!" He says animatedly while I trudge towards the exit.

He holds the door for me and I slip underneath his arm. We walk outside to the benches bathed in the midday sun, where his friends are always hanging out. I look around for Ben; a habit I've developed since I started here last month. I don't really know if it's to catch his attention or to avoid it. Maybe just to observe him: The way he always walks alone through the school. Always looking prim in a pressed shirt and slacks, dark hair tucked carefully behind his ears. His posture just shy of straight, contrasting with his polished look. Yeah, I've definitely been watching him. I've seen him play too, in the auditorium for the start of year ceremony with a motley group of classicals. The way he bent himself over the piano looked... obscene. And when it was over, all he did was stroke his hair behind his ear, and he immediately looked stoic again.

"Earth to rey!"

"Sorry."

"You lookin' for someone?" One of Poe's friends ask me. He looks like he's actually interested.

"No."

"We're going to Mackie's," he adds out of the blue and blushing a little.

Someone else pipes in: "Did you know all the people who work there are werewolves? Add an extra element of excitement to the experience. You never know if you'll make it back."

"Yeah, or they might lure you into, like, a sex cult. I heard they have really weird sex rituals."

"Oh my god, your so desperate for it, Stephen!" One of the girls tease him. 

I feel uncomfortable. "I should get going."

"You don't want to come to Mackie's with us?" Poe asks.

"No thank you, I have class." I start backing away while talking, as if they might force me to come. "See you saturday!" I walk off towards the school cafeteria, with Poe shouting goodbye behind me. I'm definitely not going with them. One party is enough socializing for a week. I shoot Finn a text.

'Party at Poe's place (the drummer) this saturday?'

'Oh god that's exactly what I need right now! Where and when do I show?'

I text him the details and it's a date. No going back now.

...

I spend the following saturday baking two batches of hash and regular brownies and getting myself ready. The cake smells so amazing, that I almost contemplate eating one, before leaving, but no. Never alone. I hope Poe's friends aren't too conservative. Music students tend to really divide the waters; either super hippie or super conservative.

When Finn arrives, looking stunning in a plum shirt and black jeans, we do share one before heading out. Poe's flat is close enough to walk.

"You're so good, Rey. Ugh, we haven't done this in forever! It's going to be so much fun."

"I sure hope so."

"So tell me about this Poe guy. Is he dating material?"

"No, he's my drummer, I can't date him. Beside he's a little too," I wrinkle my nose in thought, "enthusiastic to my taste. But he's incredibly nice. He really makes an effort to include everyone."

"And you make an effort of turning him down?"

"Uhh, we're going to his party, aren't we?" I shoot back.

"Sure are."

When we reach the place, some girl buzzes us in. I already know the place from our few jam sessions here. When Poe's face appears in the open door, he shouts at me over the music: 

"Oh my god! Are those what I think they are? I didn't think you'd actually make them for me!" He gestures at my neatly labeled brownies.

"You have eyes, Poe. Congratulations."

"And hello there, tall, dark and handsome," he says to Finn. I can't quite tell if he's drunk or just cocky.

"Poe, this is Finn. Finn, this is Poe."

"The little drummer boy?"

"Yup, that's me. Only I'm not so little." He winks and manages to make Finn blush. "So, Rey tells me you've known each other for ages, which means," he pauses for effect, "you know all her dirty secrets?"

"I do, but I'll never betray her unless you bribe me."

"Well." He gestures for us to come in. "Challenge accepted."

We follow him into the living room, where people are sat around the coffee table playing cards. The tv is on behind them, flashing a game screen, but noone's playing. In the kitchen I spot a handful of girls talking and laughing.

"Everybody, this is the famous Rey, and her friend, Finn. They brought hash brownies and they're both single."

I punch him hard in the shoulder for that comment.

"Ow Rey, you can't hurt me, you need me, remember?" 

I recognize one of the boys, a redhead, from the opening ceremony in school. I remember him because he was talking to Ben afterwards.

"So, challange you to a game of mario kart?" Poe interrupts my thoughts.

I accept, and we all sit down in the bean bags in front of the tv. Finn makes sure to sit next to Poe, asking him about the student life. I want to roll my eyes, but really, it would actually be nice for me, if they became close. I lose the game, but I don't care too much. Everything feels surprisingly good; definitely a better party than the start of school one.

"Don't cry Rey, there's always next time," Poe offers like a jerk. "So Finn," he continues, turning to him, "I've been thinking: If I were to make you a delicious mojito, would you tell me embarrassing stories about Rey?"

"If it's any good, I might."

"Traitor," I mumble after them as they make their way towards the kitchen. More people have shown up, beginning to make it a little crowded. I turn back to the tv, putting on the pokemon game I had started last time I was here. I can still see Finn and Poe talking in the kitchen.

I have just won my first badge, when someone comes to stand next to me. Someone with very long legs. All I see is black slacks.

"Enjoying the party?"

A shiver runs down my spine. I recognize that voice. I tilt my head back to look up at the giant form of Ben, standing over me, holding two beers in his hands. How is he here? 

"It's tolerable. How do you know Poe?" 

His body somehow looks too big for the room. Like Alice in the doll house. Maybe it's because I'm sitting down and looking up. He almost takes up my entire field of view.

"I don't. I know a friend of his."

He then proceeds to sit down next to me and put the unopened can in front of me, before resting his arms on his knees, dangling his own beer from his long piano fingers. His black t-shirt stretches over his upper arms. Is he doing that on purpose?

"You're doing a good job of killing that monster," he gestures at the short lived battle on the screen.

I shrug. "It's a little too easy."

"Is that one yours?"

"Yes."

He keeps asking me questions about the game. It feels strangely like he's the young uncle trying to make friends with his nephew by indulging him in whatever childish interests he has, that he doesn't give a shit about himself. Why does he want to waste his time watching me play? I keep expecting him to leave, but he doesn't, and so eventually I start answering properly and soon I'm talking freely about the game, explaining everything to him. He just keeps coming up with new questions and pretends to be impressed by my battles. When he realises I'm not going to drink the beer, he takes it for himself and downs it in like two sips. The can looks comically small in his hand. He then gets up and leaves without a word, making me feel a little disappointed. 

I play for a while, before looking around to spot Finn. He and Poe are playing a dice game with the others in the sofa. He scoots over and hands me half of his brownie. 

"Are you winning the game?" 

"Of course. Are you having fun with Poe?"

"Hm...moderately. Are you having fun with mr. tall, dark and preppy?"

"Mm...moderately." I try not to blush. There's nothing to blush about. He then leans in to smack his lips on my cheek, and I slap him away, before he scoots back to the table. It's disgusting. He always becomes overly affectionate when he's high. But better me than Poe. As I'm wiping my cheek, the long legs of Ben reappear beside me. When he seems to linger, I pause the game to look up at him, head tilted back. He has a beer in one hand and a coke in the other. He kind of takes my breath away. I stretch out my arm and snatch the cold and wet coke from his unmoving hand. I savour the tsssch sound and the first sip of liquid sugar. He sits back down beside me.

"You've got a new Pokémon?"

The evening passes like this; playing videogames and talking to Ben and Finn. Poe has his arm around him on the sofa. Smooth. When I lean back in my bean bag, I feel the world tilting. I feel hungry, but thirsty. Ben is racing against his redhead friend on the switch. The controller is stupidly small in his beautiful, sculptured hands, and I chastise myself every time I notice. 

"I need a milkshake." 

I walk into the kitchen, seeing the mess and begin cleaning the blender in the sink. It feels sort of surreal. Like I'm being a normal person for once and actually enjoying a party. But it's probably just the weed. I cut out a piece of the semi melted ice cream left out on the counter before hurrying back to the freezer with it. When I turn around I almost walk into a wall of black cotton, freezing as if caught doing something bad. It's Ben. He smells like leather and beer, and it's not a good mix.

"If you want to stab me, you're probably going to want a little more distance."

"What?" I look up at his smirking face and realise I'm still holding the knife. The pointed edge almost gracing his leg. Whoops. "If you keep being nice to me, I promise I won't."

"I intend to." 

Oh.

I put away the weapon, and go back to making my milkshake. I consider putting a brownie in the mix. It might be a win; it might be a horrible mistake. Behind me, Ben takes out another beer from the fridge and leans against the counter as if he lives here, watching me. It unnerves me a little. 

"Are you high right now?" He asks bluntly. Where did that come from?

"Uhh, a little. Are you drunk right now?"

"Somewhat. Is that why you don't drink?"

"No." I never drink. And it's one of his business.

"Is that guy your boyfriend?" 

"What guy?"

"Who do you think? The guy that kissed you."

"Oh, Finn. No, he isn't." I hope he's not going to hit on him too.

"Good." He says before leaning close in a calculated way, making me hyperventilate a little at the subtle intrusion. I can feel his alchoholic breath on my scent gland. "When you come back inside, will you let me caress your leg?"

What?

And he accused me of acting high? I turn away from him to hide my blush.

"Try and see," I tell him, attempting to sound challenging. Who the hell asks permission like that? In advance? 

He then leaves the kitchen, without giving me a chance to catch a glimpse of his face. Did I just turn him down? Good thing, I suppose. I consider it, as I finish the milkshakes and clean up after me, before returning to the living room. There are fewer people here now. It must be late. I hand Finn his milkshake which he accepts with a long groan. I glance over at Ben while drinking it. It's too good. I kind of want to sit down next to him again and see what happens.

"What time is it?" Finn interrupts my thoughts.

"One o'clock," Poe answers. 

"Oh, shit. I have a family thing tomorrow," Finn says and makes puppy eyes at me, as if I can make his plans go away. "It's Sheila's birthday."

Damnit. I want to stay and see what happens with Ben, but maybe I had better cut and run. I'm tired and high, and it would probably be a mistake. "Yeah, we should go."

"Okay."

We finish our shakes, and Finn and Poe exchange numbers. As we say our goodbyes, Ben gets up, taking a second to keep his balance. If he fell in here he would definitely break something. 

"Have a safe trip back." Ben looks at me a little intensely while saying this. I try my damnest to stare him down without blushing. Is he mad? Or being overly serious about going out in the dark?

"See you around."

"Get your cute butts out of here," Poe says finally before closing the door behind us.

We walk home, both in silent thought. I'm glad things didn't go any further with Ben. He was kind of drunk, and it's always a stupid idea to hook up with someone in your friend circle. If he could be considered that. He was just stupid hot, that's all it was. Probably.

We reach the dorms, and not two minutes later we're both crashed on my bed. 

"Is it okay, if I hang out with Poe? He's really hot and interesting, but if it goes wrong, maybe-"

I interrupt him: "Are you kidding me, Finn? Of course. I'll find another drummer if need be." Nobody as unique or energetic as Poe, but he doesn't need to know that. "I've only known Poe for a month or so, but I'm pretty sure he's alright."

"You always have my back, Rey." He sighs, looking up at the ceiling. "Remember sleepovers at my house? Making popcorn and watching horror movies in our pillowfort?"

"Yeah. You used to fall asleep during the most scary parts."

"You used to watch most of it hiding behind your pillow," he shoots back. I remember not wanting to go to sleep, because it was so nice, and I could ward off the next day for a little while.

"Do you like Ben?"

"He's okay."

"He's not a little too...boring for you?"

"Oh my god, Finn, how can we have such different taste in men? How is he boring? He's a fucking musical genius!"

"I don't know. He just seemed a little boring to me."

"It doesn't matter anyway. He got a little too drunk for my taste."

"Did he do anything?"

"No, not at all. I could just, you know, feel the alchohol coming off him."

Finn sighs a little. "I get it, Rey, but you have to be fair to him. You were kind of stoned yourself, it's not like you're the saint of abstinence."

He's right. Annoyingly so.

...

Less than a week later Ben finds me on SoMe, and sends me a message: 

'I just found out that you're in my peer group for the trip to Germany in november. If you want, I can try to rearrange it?'

'Not at all, it's fine by me.' 

Huh. Maybe it's meant to be after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: first is "Barbwired Baby's Dream" by Dizzy Mizz Lizzy  
> Song: second is "Whispering At The Top Of My Lungs" by Tim Christensen (lead singer and guitarist of Dizzy Mizz Lizzy)


	2. Stay there

The airplane is so huge up close. It's pretty damn exiting. I'm clutching onto my ticket, with my number 26, and remembering Finn's words on the phone, when he heard I was going on the trip:

'You have to sit at the window, Rey; you have to. You're gonna see all the people turn into little ants. And the clouds, Rey. Literally going through the clouds. It's so goddamn amazing!'

I smile at the memory of his words. It's so like him to get overexited about something like this. I like to think I'm only moderately excited. 

The stewardesses look extremely polished, and I feel sloppy in comparison with my old jeans and my ragged The Clash t-shirt. I move down the corridor and find my row, which luckily is empty, and I scoot into the window seat. I can see people are still qeueing up to enter the plane. I can't see Ben, though. But he's here somewhere. 

"Hey, you're in my spot." I look up at Lena, who's leaning over the seat showing me her ticket. She has the same number, 26. 

I shrug sheepishly, gesturing beside me: "There are two empty seats right there."

"Look at you ticket, dummy." She chuckles condescendingly. "Look at the letter." 

"B," it says.

"And look at your armrest." It says A. And the one next to me says B. 

"Oh, so the individual seats are numbered, who cares? They all belong to us." 

"Is this your first time flying?" She smiles evilly. 

"I got the seat first. Get over it."

"Ooh, it is, isn't it?" She says with a grin. "Because you're so poor, your parents couldn't afford to go anywhere."

That little cunt. I turn to her, grinning maliciously. "Oh, you're so clever, arent you, Lena? Wow, did you skip a grade?" She raises an eyebrow at me, unimpressed. "Oh, no! That was because of the year of therapy you had to take, after walking in on you parents fucking like animals," I drawl. "Wasn't it?"

I overheard her joking about something like it at the opening party. She was drunk and laughing, but there was a gist of truth to it, I knew it. And I was right.

"Shut up, you goddamn bitch!" She yells at me, loud enough for the whole plane to hear.

Then suddenly Ben's there. "Hey! Cut it out."

I grin at her and make a fucking-gesture with my fingers.

"You bloody cow!" She tries to hit me, but she can't reach me from her position.

"Stop it," Ben snaps at her. "Boody hell. How old are you?"

"What?"

"Are you old enough, that I don't need to call you mother, to tell her you can't seem to behave like an adult?" He sneers at her.

"Why don't you call her mother," Lena spits back at him and points in my direction, "and tell her to buy her daughter some new clothes. Oh no, that's right, she can't afford to."

I grit my teeth and scrunch up my nose. I want to punch her in the tit, but I can tell that Ben is just a hair's breadth from forcing us to take the trip in the luggage room. So I say nothing.

He looks threatningly back and forth at us. "You done?" 

I shrug. Lena says yes.

"Good. You, young lady," he tells Lena, "can look forward to helping me lug all the equipment to the hotel." Her jaw falls open, and she's just about to speak, but she picks it back up and keeps quiet.

Ben smiles unpleasantly. "You're very welcome."

I hide my snicker. He punished her, not me, because I was smart enough to quit while I was ahead.

"She's in my seat." Lena states. 

He snatches the ticket out of her hand impatiently and reads it. "Get up." 

"But," I want to see the clouds.

"I saw you Rey, don't act so innocent."

Oh, fuck him. If the airplane wasn't so full of impatient people, I would have fought him. But it is, so I get up and let her have the seat. Ben leaves with an exasperated sigh.

When the airplane takes off I try to look out discreetly, to see if I can spot any people, but I can't. Only concrete and trees. But then the clouds start appearing, making me suck in a breath in surprise. They actually do look like cotton balls.

"It really is your first time, isn't it? That's so sweet." She fiddles with the window blind innocently. "I'll let you watch if you take my equipment duty."

I raise my eyebrow at her. As if. So she yanks down the blind, shutting off the stunning view. Bitch. 

The thought hits me, that if I'd accepted her deal, I would have the view and get to spend time with Ben. But I'm not one to back down from a fight. Especially not with Lena.

...

I'm ripped from my sleep as I feel someone tugging at my arm, and I brace myself for the millisecond it takes me to remember where I am. Hotel. Germany. I look up into the eyes of a frowning Ben, crouched beside the lounge chair I'm sleeping in. Fuck me, he looks good up close.

"Why on earth are you sleeping out here?"

I notice he's wearing clothes for running. It must be early morning.

"I was locked out last night," I slur before swallowing my spit. I'm so damn exhausted, I have a crick in my neck, and I just want to go back to sleep.

"That'll cost you 20 euros, young lady, for losing your card." Ugh. He couldn't be anymore patronizing if he tried. Pretentious arsehole. He can't possibly be more than a couple of years older than me. I resist rolling my eyes at him and instead just flash him my keycard, which only seems to baffle him. I shrug:

"They did something to the lock. Couldn't get in." I shrug. The chair was not so bad, but I do have all my things in there, which is an unsettling thought. They had better not touched anything.

"Those little bitches," he says softly and scratches at his unshaved jaw. He unsually smells of a leathery perfume, but right now his scent is a little more...rough. I haven't seen him even slightly ungroomed or untidy before. It looks kind of sexy. Bar the running outfit. 

"Come with me." He stands up and extends his hand to help me out of the chair. I don't take it, but I do get up. He sighs at me and leads me down the hallway to a door, that he unlocks with his keycard. I don't actually realise it's his room until the door opens and the air hits me. It's definitely not a spare room.

"Here. You can get two hours of sleep, if you're efficient." He gestures at his bed.

"Thanks." I really don't know how to respond. Sleeping in his bed seems intimate. Even if it is just a hotel bed.

"I don't need to tell you, that sleep and performance are directly proportional. I will not have my peer group play any less than satisfactory, okay?"

Wow. He sure takes his responsibilites very seriously. "Yes, sir."

"Don't call me that. And sort out whatever drama it is you have with the other girls."

"You mean the little bitches?" I try in vain to supress my smirk.

"No." He looks kind of sour, then turns around and leaves.

My smile wears off when the door closes. I'm so damn tired, I don't even stop to consider it, I just take off my clothes and burrow into the soft double bed. It's so currupted, he gets a double bed in a single room, while we have to share four people. I stretch and twine my limbs into the blankets and pillows, and inhale that rough, dark smell of him. I press my neck and scent gland into his pillow. Fuck me.

I sleep. When the alarm goes off, I cancel it, figuring he'll be back to wake me up. I have never slept better. The bed is so soft and big, and I'm just submerged in the smell of Ben; warm and relaxed.

I hear the tender voice of him hovering somewhere in the corner of my conciousness. "Did you not set an alarm?" 

"Mmmm." I feel so good right now.

"How long do you need to get ready?" 

Oh no. My current comfort is going to depend on what I say next. "15 minutes?"

"Okay, you just sleep a little more then."

I stretch my arm out behind me in the general direction of his voice and make grabby hands.

"Come sleep with me."

Nothing.

"I'll let you caress my leg." I let my arm drop, supressing a giggle.

"No."

I try to stay awake, barely, to listen to him clattering about until he tells me it's time, and to show up out front in 15 minutes. He leaves again, the door clicking shut behind him. 

I get up, dress, and walk to my own room to find my bag, the girls gone, probably eating breakfast in the lobby. I have plenty of emergency granola bars in my bag, for situations such as this. Once I look decent enough, I find my way to the meeting spot. Judging by the few number of students, I'm early. Typical. And Ben's not here yet. Wonder where he could be? Has he come back to the room to check on me? Ugh. I need to stop caring so much. Why am I falling so hard for him? He might be ridiculously hot, but he's so irritating. So restrained. 

"Rey." His voice suddenly interrupts my thoughts, almost making me gasp. He's standing beside me on the curb, with a brown paper bag in his hand. "You need to eat."

Ugh. Why is he always bringing me food and drinks? It's stupidly nice.

"I'm not your Tamagotchi, Ben. Skipping one breakfast won't kill me." He doesn't answer, just keeps holding the food out to me, so I take the bag, if only to make him go away. A couple of students are looking at me, like I'm the weird one. 

Oh, right. I am. 

As we make our way down the cobbled streets to the museum, Lena and her wingbitch come up to me. I pretend not to notice and just keep eating my apple, looking ahead. 

"Look, it was really mean of us to lock you out last night. We did intend to let you in eventually, but then you were gone, so we figured you had probably found somewhere else to sleep."

"Aha. Yeah... I slept in the penthouse, after blowing the hotel manager." I did go to get help, but the receptionist had gone home for the night.

"Whatever, Rey. We were just trying to be nice." 

I seriously doubt it. But either way, nobody bothers me after that. 

...

The rest of the trip goes by with lessons and concerts and awkwardly working together with the host students. I spend some time with Rose, a timid bassist from a year above me, who's always invariably nice. And it's not even because she's dumb. She's just that nice of a person. We end up doing our projects together, and we somehow manage to use some scraps we've been working on individually and fit them together like pieces in a puzzle. 

Ben stays frustratingly aloof throughout the course, even as I come on to him with less and less subtlety. Eventually I come to the point where I'm seriously considering if he's doing it on purpose to seduce me, because apparently it's working. Whether I like it or not. Or maybe he just cares that much about doing well as head of the group, including keeping his hands off any students, even though nobody would even care. Either way it's irritating me, so I decide to get him out of my head on the final night of the trip.

The afternoon is spent performing the bits we've all been working on. I'm not too nervous, as I've gotten used to performing a lot since the start of the year. Though not in front of Ben. Our lyrics ended up a bit more sappy than I'm used to, but in turn I managed to pull the sound a little more towards my own grungy style. I try not to look at Ben in the back of the auditorium, while we get ready. Rose does the melodious, melancholy intro, before I open op with lyrics and guitar simultaneously:

"  
I know you're not a part of  
This wicked world anymore  
But life goes on for me, and I don't care  
If you're standing there

He don't mind the pain  
Love is a loser's game  
Time is on my side  
I've got nothing to hide  
Love is a loser's game, my friend  
Until the very end  
"

I can tell the host school professor is impressed, and it makes me feel good. We are damn good. And it's so hard not to look at Ben; I really want to know what he thinks. But I keep my eyes down. 

Ben's performance is last. But he doesn't go to sit down at the keyboard as I'd expected. He picks up the same bass that Rose used, and plays the most haunting piece I have ever heard. The strings beneath his deft fingers vibrate harrowingly through the silenced auditorium.

"  
There is a liquid sky all over the world  
Tonight it comes for your body  
It comes to set your soul alight  
But cards have been dealt  
From our hands they will melt  
There is a liquid sky all over the world

Step out my sweet one, hang loose  
Crystal cherry drapes who to choose  
With the moon rolling in  
We could let our dream begin  
Step out my sweet one  
Step out my sweet one, hang loose

Ahh the clear sky turns me on  
You speak out my name  
Long after I'm gone  
Should I give myself in?  
It would make me spin and spin  
Ahh the clear sky turns me on  
"

I feel as if he just scooped out my heart. I feel haunted and aroused, and- curse him! He is going to make everyone fall in love with him. I feel enraged and brokenhearted at the same time. I take out my phone to distract myself from the emotional onslaught. If he sees me with it, fine, he'll think I don't care. Ugh, and I'm supposed to be getting over him.

Some german kid breaks the silence: "Nice solo, Solo." Nobody from our school laughs because that joke was murdered to death ages ago. Still, it lifts the atmosphere and jolts the students back to the exitement for the final night out. I convince Rose to have a drink with me, to celebrate our successful project. She's beginning to grow on me.

After the performances and the packing away of the equipment, all of the students eat dinner together in the host school's cafeteria. Afterwards most of us walk in large groups to the same bar downtown. Rose and I talk along the way, and Ben is trailing on somewhere behind us. I push down how his presence makes me feel safe. I really need to get over him. 

We have a couple of beers and cokes respectfully before Rose says she's going back. 

"Introvert's lot," she says and shrugs her shoulders.

"You're walking alone?"

"It's literally like three blocks, Rey. I'll manage."

I check the clock; 22:03. "Text me when you get back."

"Sure." And she's off. 

I look around to spot Ben, who's sitting in a sofa group talking to Lena. Yuck. She is going to salivate all over him. I wonder if she suspects him of being a werewolf too? It's not something regular people notice or care about, it's just how specific his lyrics seemed to be. To me at least. Full moon. The clear sky turns me on. Step out my sweet one and let your wolf out. I shudder at the memory. He should be banned from singing stuff like that. It doesn't fit with his prim, classical persona. It fits an alpha. Ugh.

"Hallo Schöne." Some dude saddles up beside me at the bar. I can guess at the meaning of his words. I take time checking him out while he orders his black russian. He's very young and large, and looks kind of soft with short curly beard and an open denim shirt over a t-shirt. I could do that.

I recieve a message with a smiley face from Rose. Good, she's back.

"Hello sweetheart," I shoot back at him.

"Ah, a turist, dann?"

"Yes. Local?"

"Nein. From Köln." Turist too, not bad; means it's not his usual prowling ground. "You are with the rest of the students then?" 

"Yup." I figure it can't hurt that he knows I'm surrounded by familiar faces. 

We talk for a while, and at some point which he deems suitable, his hand finds it's way to my thigh. Ben' words about caressing my leg flash in my mind and I push it away along with the stranger's hand on my thigh, and reply instead:

"How about we found somewhere a little more comfortable?"

"What wonderful idea!"

We get up and I place us somewhere, where I can still see Ben. Lena has left his side, and the place generally seems less crowded. 

I look the stranger in the eye: "Look, you can touch my ass and my back, but no more, you got that?" He doesn't even look surprised, more like amused.

"Okay, lady. You can touch my face, and my arms, okay?" 

I scoff out loud and smile at him. "That is the god damn best answer I've ever heard."

We talk about the city a little, before starting to make out. He's not bad, but not much good either. Just soft. And thank god he doesn't smell like beer. He tells me funny stories about backpacking while caressing my sides. It feels so nice. If only it were someone else, and with each kiss I try to let his tounge expel this aching feeling from behind my ribs, but it lingers persistenly. At some point I just give up.

I look around the bar and realise Ben is gone. Fuck. But what reason did he have to stay?

I tell the backpacker I had fun and goodbye, before heading to the bar again, ordering plain water. I discreetly watch him leave the place. I'll just wait half an hour or so. Just as a precaution. I still spot Lena and some of the guys from my peer group on the dancefloor and chatting in the sofas. Five of them. It seems we're the last ones left. I shoot Finn a text along side of a photo of the bar.

'Made out with a backpacker from Köln. Didn't work.'

'I made out with Poe on our date. It worked just fine. Perhaps you need to get to the root of the problem, Rey...'

Ha, no way. I'm not desperate yet. I talk to the tired bartender a bit, then notice the others getting ready to leave, so I finish my drink quickly and head over.

"Going back to the hotel?" I ask them.

"No, we're nowhere near done yet!" Lena answers and talks about some club nearby. I look at the time; 00:06. I really just want to go back, and I definitely don't want to hang out with her at some godawful club. 

"I'll just head back. Have fun." 

I walk into the night. Five blocks. I'll be fine. 

I take out my phone and open my old conversation with Ben. I type down my route in the text box, ready to send. Just a precaution. The shops still have their display lights on, and it's actually nice with the clean, cold air. I turn my head to check behind me. I gasp. The backpacker. I immediately press send on my message. Should I call Ben? Or keep pretending I haven't noticed the guy? I type out 'Being followed' and send it. I should call him. I pull up the phone app, but my fingers are shaking too badly. I check behind me again, on instinct. His hand reaches out and touches my arm. 

"Hey, girl." 

I set off at once in a sprint, hauling myself away from him, running faster than I thought possible. I hear him behind me. I should have called Ben. Stupid! What if he's sleeping? Fuck. I can make out the hotel further down and across the street. It's dark inside, no receptionist, no anyone. I'm sure I'll get there first, but I'll have to use my keycard to get in. It'll take forever! And he may be slower than me, but he's twice my size, he will definitely overpower me easily. Oh god. I'm panicking. I feel the wolf in the back of my head, ready to rip from me. But it'll do no good. There's no way I can shift in time.

I sprint across the street while checking behind me. He's only a few meters away. How does that big man run so fast? I'm almost there. The light switches on in the lobby, the doors open, and Ben comes out, bare chested, bare feet and sprinting towards me, throwing his phone one the pavement when he sees me. In no more than a second I reach him, a half-sob wrecking through my body; I'm safe! I hear the mans footsteps coming to a halt. Ben shoves me behind him, almost costing me my balance. Then I hear a savage, beastly growl and turn in time to see Ben charging into the man with all his strength. The big hulk of a man is knocked over, and Ben throws himself on top of him and starts pounding on his face. It only takes one long second, before Ben freezes. His mouth is glinting with saliva, and his eyes are crazed. The backpacker isn't fighting back, only bracing himself. He looks like a victim. I feel my gut churning as I stoop to pick up Ben's shattered phone. He pulls himself off the backpacker, who's dead still, and stands up straight for a moment, before turning and reaching his hand out to me. I take it without hesitating. His eyes, illuminated by the light behind me, reflect a haunting yellow shine. Don't cry. Don't cry. I see the man get up on all fours shaking violently with blood dripping from his eye, before Ben tugs me inside. Don't cry. He drags me roughly all the way up the stairs and down the hallway and finally into his room. He's sweating profusely. He smells heady and dark like musk, but with a sour note of fear.

Don't cry. You got this. He yanks me inside, slams the door shut, and pulls me tightly to his chest. I'm just limp. I detach myself inside, shoving my heart away. I need it to go away.

"I'm so sorry I left you. Please forgive me, Rey," he begs pathetically.

"It's okay, Ben. You don't have to deal with my drama."

It takes a few seconds, before he answers dumbly: "What?" 

I pull away from him and go to the door. I need a moment alone. 

"No!" He steps halfway in front of me. "You can't leave! I mean... I have to stay with you. I have to make sure you're okay. I just have to." I sigh. I shouldn't have to deal with him right now. I open the door and he follows me, his giant body looming over my back. "I can't, Rey. Please." 

I shoot him a hard look over my shoulder, and as I meet his yellow streaked eyes, he promptly falls to his knees, begging me silently. Something tugs at my heart; tugs it right back into my chest where it belongs. It's done. I close the door behind me, and a tear falls from his wide eyes in shock. I take his hand and nudge him to stand up, so I can manouvre him onto the bed.

"Stay there," I tell him sternly.

I don't know what I'm doing, but something just kicks in, making me act on instinct. I find a clean towel in the bathroom and wet it with warm water. Back by the bed I stand between his knees and proceed to wipe his mouth and face gently with the towel. His fingers latches on to the belt on my hips, seemingly on autopilot, while his eyes stare ahead at nothing. I wipe away his sweat and saliva. After a moment he sighs heavily, and closes his eyes, letting his shoulders slump. I lift up his hands one by one dabbing the broken and swollen skin on his knuckles carefully. Then I kneel down on the floor lifting his bare feet and checking under them for injury, before washing them thoroughly. Finally I fold up the towel, dirty bits inside, and wash his neck and torso for good measure; long strokes over the wide expanse of pale, delicate skin protecting him from the outside world. All the while he just holds onto my jeans, eyes shut and breathing with his whole body. It feels strangely therapeutic.

I throw the towel on the floor and start removing my own clothes. I want to sleep. Right now. When I shove his hands away to remove my jeans, he reopens his eyes and blinks as if waking from a dream. He stares at my skin, frowning a little, his eyes level with the soft skin of the underside of my breasts. I want to hug him to me, but instead I pull aside the blanket and push him down onto the bed. He doesn't protest or even pause. I climb in after him, letting my body drape over his side. I scent him. He smells better now, still sharp and tangy from the sweat, but the sour note is gone. I push my nose against his neck and breath in the heavy undertone of musk. I realise I've been away from home my entire life. Until now. On its own, my leg slides up over his body and I slump into him in resignation.

"Will you just caress my leg already? It's been haunting me forever."

He doesn't say anything, doesn't move away from me, just lifts his hand to grasp around my knee and drag my leg higher up on his stomach. My body only responds lightly; too exhausted to be aroused. Somehow it knows, now is not the time, when he grabs my thigh, just shy of too hard. He presses it against his belly, shifting his grip on my supple skin every so often. The air is silent and calm in the dark room. 

He sighs in defeat. "You have really strong legs."

It almost makes me cry, thinking about how I used them an hour ago to save my life.

"Thank you, Ben." 

...

I have a thorn lodged deeply in the tissue of my breast. A large, dark thorn, the base of it only seeming to grow as I painfully tug at it to get it out. It's underneath my skin. I extract it slowly, dragging it out from inside my flesh, the wooden thing unnaturally large. I examine it for a moment before tossing it. It has left a gaping hole in my breast, enabling me to see inside to the yellowy fat tissue, glistening in the light. I touch it with my finger, trying to feel for any missing splinters from the thorn. Nothing. As I withdraw it, I notice the slip of skin starting to come apart, as if it's sick. Rotten. I try to hold it in the correct place, but I ought to rinse it, in case there's bacteria inside. I'm afraid it's going to fall off. I'm coming apart.

I wake up, silently panicking, sitting up in the bed. I cover my breast carefully with my hands: the tissue's perfectly smooth and intact. I notice Ben is gone as I get out of bed, and trail after his low murmur in the bathroom. The door is open, and he's sitting on the edge of the tub, looking up at me with a frown. I keep silent, not knowing why I even walked in here. I just clutch at the disgusting feeling lingering in my breast. 

"I have to go," he tells the phone and puts it down. "What's wrong, Rey?"

I feel drowsy; as if I'm still partly asleep. He stands up and puts his hand behind my back to lead me over to a chair. I sit down and force myself to let go of my breast, somehow still afraid the skin is going to come loose. 

"I'm going to find you something to eat, okay? Just a second."

I pull up my knees and hug my arms around them. I feel a little detached, and still struggling to lift my heavy eyelids. When I open them next, Ben comes into view, his outstretched hand holding a piece of chocolate. When I take it, he pulls out the other chair and sits down right in front of me, leaning in. The empty space between his elbows, that rest on his knees, seems the perfect size for me to curl up in. 

I chew down on the chocolate which crunches loudly under my teeth. The flavours burst over my tounge and send colorful impulses through my brain. I eat the whole thing. It helps me wake up a little. The sweet taste lingers in my mouth. 

"I'm sorry I interrupted you."

"It's okay, it was just my girlfriend." 

"Girlfriend?" 

The feeling of having him ripped away from me hits me in the chest like a fist. All the air is stolen from my lungs causing tears to rise in my eyes.

"It's... She's nothing," he emphasizes, and the truth in his voice somehow makes it worse. My tears spill out like a breaking damn, and I hide my face in my hands. I'm not his. Not his. And his actual woman means nothing to him. What does that make me?

"Rey." He sounds out of breath. "She's cheating on my anyways, I'm going to break up with her."

"Stop. Don't." I can't seem to breathe and talk at the same time. "I don't want to hear it. Please, just for tonight."

"Of course, Rey. Whatever you need." 

Upon his reply, I let my hands fall away from the wounded expression on my face and reach out to him. He accepts me and I crawl on his lap, curling into that space under his chin. He holds me, and strokes me, and rocks gently back and forth, whispering into the dark room. 

"I've got you, Rey." His chest rises. "You're safe with me." His chest falls. "I'm right here, sweet one."

It soothes and it hurts, and I break and I cry. At some point he stands up, holding me in his arms, and walks us to the bed. We fall into sleep, clutching to each other, even as the heat and lack of air wants to seperate us. I've never felt so home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Rey and Rose's is "Love Is A Loser's Game" by Dizzy Mizz Lizzy  
> Song: Ben's is "Let Your Fingers Do The Walking" by Sort Sol


	3. Further away

The weather is getting colder now, and I'm glad I grabbed my hooded jacket for the long walk. I spot him before I even spot the cafe, standing outside and looking at his phone. He looks edible, in a dark blue shirt and a big heavy coat. He finally sees me, warm eyes reminding me of something like coming home. 

"Rey."

"Ben." I shoot back nonchalantly and forego the awkward how-do-we-greet by going straight for the door to the café. He follows after me and we buy our coffees in silence and sit down in a secluded spot. I know he senses my distance and I know he dislikes it. 

"You look fierce." He says it like a fact.

"And you look haunting, Ben, but that's not why we're here."

"You don't want to be with me?" Oh. He doesn't beat around the bush. I'm not even sure how to respond. "Well?" He says impatiently. Is he angry? Or sad?

"I want a man who hasn't just broken up with his girlfriend."

"I already told you, she's nothing."

"That doesn't make it better, Ben! If she's nothing, then why would you have chosen her? She must mean something to you. And if-" I lower my voice, "if she cheats on you, then she's goddamn dumb. You're so..." I scoff and gesture at him shaking my head at the thought of someone chosing anyone else over this man, "And a musical genius. And insanely kind... What an idiot." 

"Why do you care so much, Rey?"

"I don't know. I just do. I just want her further away from me. From you. 

"She lives in the other side of the country. How much further away do you want her to be?"

"Further into the past."

"Weeks? Months? Years?" His voice drops an octave from the pain of imagining this. 

"I don't know, Ben."

He lets his hand fall from the cup to rest on the table in front of me; a silent invitation. I keep my hands tucked under the table, scratching and closing around nothing.

"I don't even know you, Ben."

"Of course you do, Rey!"

"Yeah, I know how you act in a crisis, Ben. Not the same thing. I know how you act professionally. And when you're drunk. But I don't know the regular you..." I trail off, unable to look at him anymore. It hurts to see him suffer. "Maybe you know me, but I don't know you."

His hand is so close and I really want to touch him, but I'm afraid he'll misunderstand.

"I know you want me, Rey. I can see it. I can smell it." He swallows, lips wet and soft. "You want me just as much as I want you." 

He stares at me, eyes so intense I barely manage to look back. His elegant fingers curl into an angry fist on the table. "Say it."

"I want you."

"Then take my damn hand!" The agony is plain on his face, his expression so open. Haunting. Don't cry. How can he bare to feel his pain so intensely? I drop my head to hide my eyes. Why am I making this so difficult? It should be simple: I won't be his rebound.

"It's just how it is, Ben." I make to stand up, but he reaches out his hand to stop me.

"Wait, please. There's one more thing."

I look at his hand hovering above my arm, and he lets it fall. I scoot back and take a sip of my coffee.

"Can I ask: Why did you leave so suddenly that night at Poe Dameron's? I was so sure we had something."

"I just needed to get home." I shrug.

"I don't think that that's all. Why didn't you text me then? I thought I had offended you."

"I..." I trail off. "Look, it's stupid really-"

"I disagree," he interjects.

"It's personal. It's just that... You smelled like beer." I look down at my fingers, intertwining them nervously. "I just have, you know... bad experience with men who smell like beer."

"Oh. I understand."

"Well, that's the main reason. I also thought I might be making a mistake."

"I wish I'd known."

"It's fine. It's my issue, not yours."

He smiles carefully. "Do you want stay and talk? Have something to eat?"

"I'm sorry, I can't." I try to keep the hurt off my face. Don't cry. I nod to myself. "I can't." Then I stand up and leave him behind.

...

Poe begins inserting himself more and more into my songs and into my life, via his relationship with Finn. It also means that I actually see Finn in person more often, which is something I never realise I miss, until I see him again. They try to restrain themselves around me (well, Finn does), but it still makes me feel a little lonely, seeing them so happy and easy together. I don't think I could ever have that with Ben. He's too intense. It hurts when I think of him, but I still have this hope in the back of my head, that we'll find each other again, and it will feel right and natural this time. Less shadowed by bad omens. But at least it gives me something to write songs about. 

Rose and I end up becoming friends of a sort. We mostly use each other to bounce off ideas, new compositions and things for school. She turns out to be a lot of help, when my exams start up in mid december, having done them all herself last year. We don't hang out outside of school, but we have this connection; we regocnize something in the other, even though we don't see a lot of each other, mostly communicating over the phone. But it works just fine for me. 

One day though, Rose does invite me home to her flat. We cook dinner together, and talk, and I pillage through her vinyl collection. We end up lounging in the sofa listenting to Hendrix with our eyes shut. 

"I'm glad we got to know each other. I don't really have any female friends. It's nice. You're cool."

"I know." I can hear the smile in her voice. "I'll admit, I thought you were kind of a bitch at first. Except you were never mean to me, so I figured you were alright."

"I know. Lena really brings out the worst in me."

"Hey, did something happen after I left the last night? You seemed a little distant the next day."

I decide to tell her about the backpacker. Just the short version. I tell her how I thought I was going to die if he caught me. I don't cry as I talk about it, and I don't even feel sad, but it still feels good to say it out loud. Rose doesn't really say much to it, but I suppose there isn't much to say. 

"Were you with him? With Ben? You two seemed to have some sort of connection."

"Yes. I mean, we weren't. But we did have...something." It almost brings tears to my eyes to think of. How fucked up am I, crying over that, but not the rapist? 

"Oh."

"Do you have anyone?" I ask her.

"I used to, for a long time. An alpha. But we broke up and now I actually enjoy being single." 

An alpha? So is she..? "I've been single my whole life." 

"I was thinking about something I wanted to ask you," she begins, turning to look at me in the sofa. "Because I really feel like we work well together... There is this event on new years eve, in my community. Maybe you know it, it's called Werefore?" 

Oh shit, I do. It's the local werewolf community. I went there once, but it wasn't for me. So she is a were. Must be. "Um yes, I've heard of it."

"Good. They've asked me to play a few songs, but I just feel like... They'd appreciate a little more than one instrument. And I know you jam with Poe. So I thought maybe, if you both wanted to, we could play a few songs there? It's nothing big, and they won't be expecting anything, you know, professional. But yeah." She trails of awkwardly.

"Are you insane, I would love that! I'll ask Poe."

"Great!"

"So...you're a werewolf?"

"Yes, I thought you knew. I'm an omega. Like you." Her smile falters. "How can you not know?"

"I know I'm supposed to be able to smell it or whatever, but... I don't know. I just don't." I shrug, feeling a little stupid. There is something wrong with me. I've always known it.

"Oh. Well... can you smell at all?"

"What? Yeah, I just..."

"Okay. Uh... How do I smell to you? Do I smell different from other people?"

"Yes, well I don't really have a habit of," I let out an awkward laugh, "smelling people. But yeah, you do have kind of a... I don't know, clean smell. Not like soap though. More like freshly washed linen. And maybe something spicy. Like a warm spice, not a hot one."

She nods encouragingly. "Omegas smell, to me at least, more distinct than alphas. A more clear and...yeah, clean smell I suppose. Alphas are..." She shakes her head. "Damn, it's really hard to describe. They are more textured? Like-"

"Rougher?"

"Yeah. Like Ben smells."

"Oh shit."

"You didn't know?" Her eyes are going huge. "You didn't know!"

"I suspected it," I say sheepishly. "But I never really believed it, I suppose."

"Shit." She sighs, leaning back on the sofa. "I think it's safe to assume you didn't grow up among werewolves, then?"

"No, I didn't."

"Well, you're not the only one. I know of a few others from my community."

I don't answer. I don't want a sales speech on why I should join a werewolf community. It's just not for me. "But Poe is a sto. I think. Would he even be...allowed in there?"

She laughs at this. "Of course! It's not fanatical or anything. It's open to everyone." She talks a bit about the place and how she got involved.

"Are there any like, werewolf social... culture things I should know about? Any secret handshakes?" I chuckle awkwardly. "You can't look alphas in the eye? That sort of thing."

She laughs again. "You know, alphas aren't as bad as people make them out to be. It's just a few rotten apples." 

"Yeah, no, I know."

"When we greet we shake hands, just like everybody else. Hugs are a bit more intimite, because of the scenting." She looks over at me, continuing. "You can hug your friends, but you don't ever hug people you've just met."

"I'm not a big hugger, so that's not a problem."

"What else. Yes, oh my god: don't take someone's food without permission! I know it sounds stupid, but it's really rude. Like, don't grab my popcorn. Don't sip my water. Sto people do this all the time, it's so rude!"

"I never thought of that."

"Also, if you buy people food or serve them food, it means something. You're like, providing for them. Like a parent. Or a partner. So don't accept drinks or snacks or anything from strangers, unless you're looking to get laid."

I suddenly remember Ben handing me that food from the hotel. "Wow. I didn't know."

"Well, it's no biggie. They'll just think you're into them."

"What about infidelity? Is that different for weres?"

"No, I'd say it's the same. You're an ass if you cheat on your partner." She pauses for a beat. "But maybe it's harder for weres, being cheated on, because we're so territorial. I'm not sure, I've never tried it."

I laugh nervously. "Sorry about all the weird questions." 

"Not at all, Rey! It's actually very refreshing being asked about it, without, you know, the sto drama. So please, ask me anything."

"What about the bite? Is that... normal?" I've read about it tons of times in novels and seen it in a few movies, but I only rarely see anyone in real life wearing the bite.

"Yes, well. It's traditionally reserved for mates, or spouses, if you will. It's like the virgins blood on the sheets, you know?"

"Yeah, from the middle ages?"

"Yes, except it's not blood, it's teeth marks around your neck. But that's in the old days. Now most couples do it. I did it with my ex. And you can renew it, when you feel like it."

"Sort of like a perishable wedding band?" 

She laughs at this. "Yeah, exactly."

"But why don't I ever see anyone with it then?"

"I know a lot of people cover it up, because it's looked down on by stos. And it'll get commented. Many couples just don't renew it."

That's messed up. 

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure."

"Okay. You don't have to answer if you don't want, but; what is it like - being - with an alpha? I've only ever been with sto guys before."

"Oh. Well, it's not necessarily any different. I mean, if he's not in a rut, you can just have normal sex. Alphas are naturally dominent in bed, but they can, you know, tone it down. Same goes for omegas." She shrugs.

"Does it hurt, when... you know?"

"The knot?"

"Aha." How does she talk about it so casually?

"In the beginning of the rut, yeah, it hurts like a bitch. But it's not a bad hurt, I mean," she pauses to consider. "It's inconsequential. You'll be so focused on the good part, it won't seem to matter. And if you're in heat, you won't even notice, I swear to god!"

I feel a blush creeping up my cheeks. "Okay..."

"I don't think I'm explaining it very well." She laughs nervously.

"You are." 

She is really nice to be telling me all this. I don't trust at all what it says on the internet. 

"All alphas are different. Some are more careful, or like, care-giving. And some are more demanding. Taking. It depends on the person." She shrugs. "It really isn't that different from sex with sto guys, though. Except they don't smell as good."

I snort. "The way Ben smells, oh my god! At first I thought it was his perfume, but now...I don't think so."

"Oh, it isn't. Werewolves don't wear perfume." She says confidently. "Do you?"

"No, I hate it." It smells so artificial, like toilet detergent.

"Exactly." She smiles confidently. "You really like him, don't you?"

"I suppose." 

"You're blushing, Rey! Huh, and I thought you were a mean one."

"Yeah well, maybe don't test the waters."

She laughs at me. She looks so free. I can't believe how nice she is. How normal and healthy. And I've finally managed to make a friend who's a werewolf too.

...

It doesn't take long to convince Poe to give a concert on new years. We both have plans that we have to cancel, but when I tell him, that it means Finn is coming to spend New Year's eve at Werefore, he is pretty stoked. We agree on what songs to play, and stick to rehearsing those only, so that Rose has a chance of catching up. We all know it's not going to be perfect, but it'll be the first real concert. Even if we only get paid in free food and drinks.

We work insanely hard with our exams on top of practice, but we're all doing it passionately. Poe takes to Rose quickly, and in no time at all it feels like we've been together forever. We all decide on a name for the band, which is something Poe and I hadn't bothered with, since two people isn't really a band. Rose designs a logo for us, and we paint it on a white bed sheet the night before the concert, to hang on the stage: Silverflame. I love how self made it looks. I am bloody self made.

We spend the day of the concert dragging our equipment in place, doing soundcheck and trying to ignore how nervous we all are. Poe is excellent at this, constantly distracting everyone with ideas and requests. And Rose introduces us to the leader of Werefore, who I'm guessing is an alpha by the smell. Like Ben, except not so good. Today should give me ample opportunity to practice identifying people. Everyone seems nice and they all help out with the preparations. We meet Rose's family and friends from the community, who are very excited to hear us play. Her mom insists on buying us all sandwiches, so we sit on the stage together, feet dangling and enjoying our food. I kind of feel like I fit in. At least I'm not the odd one out today.

Finn shows up shortly afterwards and I introduce him to Rose, but I'm too nervous to really appreciate his company yet. He hangs onto Poe anyways, so I don't feel too bad. As the evening draws and the place starts filling up, I get more and more restless. I know that I just need to get up there and start playing, and it'll be alright.

When it's time and we step up on the stage, the small crowd quiets down. I'm shaking like I did at my audition. Without having planned it, I imagine that it's Ben sitting there, all alone and frowning over my shitty amplifier. I look at Poe, then Rose to make sure they're ready.

"Hello everybody. We're Silverflame."

And then I strum my guitar, launching the powerful sound throughout the room, followed with near perfect synchrony by Rose and Poe. And then it's started.

"  
Late in the night  
I'm taking a ride  
Far away from town  
I heard your call  
But of course that was all  
I could hear that night  
One sound too much  
Could make me lose touch  
Make me feel alright

She don't care to wait  
Why do I hesitate?  
No time to waste  
And I, saw you cry  
At the moonlit-suffered sky  
Have sympathy  
For mother nature's recipe!  
"

It's bumpy and grindy, but it feels so good, and my solo is mean as hell. There are so many people here, and I can't believe we're doing this. I look at Rose grinding on her base, and it just makes me feel alive. The final note seems to wake people from a stupor, and everybody just yells and whoops at us, making me laugh as I wipe the sweat off my face.

"Thank you Werefore." I wait for a beat, until the worst yelling is over. "I'm Rey and I'm a werewolf." Shit, I said it. I said it to a whole fucking crowd, and they're just cheering. "This is Poe, he's the friendly one. So if anybody has any complaints, you know where to go," I turn around smiling at him, only to see him flipping me off. "And this one," I say gesturing at Rose, "you probably know already. Rose is the reason we're here. She's the reason we can finally call ourselves a band." Again, people start whistling and whooping, making her laugh. I check back with Poe, before playing the beginning riff of the next song. It doesn't take long before I start feeling pretty high.

"  
Looking out that window  
For my old mind  
And any way the wind blows  
Any way is fine

You won't see no yellow leaves in the rain, aha  
I can't find no piece of mind in the rain, aha

Got to keep my distance  
Got to play it cool  
Protecting my resistance  
Ain't nobody's fool

Sitting still, so you won't kill in the rain, aha  
Going down to psycho town in the rain, aha

Looking out that window for my old mind

You cannot stab me baby  
When you're standing so close!  
Standing so close  
You know you do  
"

My fingers flit over the strings, only dragging the rest of me along for the ride. It's a mean, fast outro, and we're all in deep concentration to keep up. I smile to myself as the song trails of with the last distressing vibrations through the speakers. 

I turn around to grab Poe's gross towel to wipe my face. It is getting really hot up here. I drink some water from my bottle, saying cheers to the audience. Then we play my Barbwired Baby's Dream, followed by Love Is A Loser's Game. I feel every muscle in my body, more powerful than I've ever felt. There's no single moment I don't feel absolutely present, and even so the time just speeds ahead and suddenly it's time for the last song. 

"  
Here we are  
In the middle of the night  
Singles bar  
And the madman is out to get me

Loosen up  
With a bottle of beer  
But wait now stop  
There's a big wolf coming over to see me

He wants my love for just one night  
I should say no, but said all right

Sinking low  
In the middle of the night  
Here I go  
And the madman is out to get me

In a storm  
In the middle of the night  
On the run  
'Cause the madman is coming to get me

He wants my love for just one night  
I should say no, but said all right  
"

"Thank you for having us Werefore! We'll see you out there." 

I reach out my hand in greeting, and then I see him, leaning against a pillar in the back. Tall, pale, dressed all in black and looking at me without even giving me a chance. Ben. As soon as we get off the stage I grab Rose to ask if she knew he was here.

"He's here?"

"Yes."

"I've never seen him here before. He must've heard about the concert, I guess."

Bloody hell, I guess so. I see Finn coming up, and he gives me a hug. We talk about the concert for a while, about how high we feel, but I'm distracted by the knowledge that Ben is less than 10 meters away right now. What do I do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the abrupt ending! When I wrote this, it just took up the space of three chapters, so I split it.
> 
> Song: "Mother Nature's Recipe" by Dizzy Mizz Lizzy  
> Song: "Too Close To Stab" by Dizzy Mizz Lizzy  
> Song: "For God's Sake" by Dizzy Mizz Lizzy


	4. This girl

I take a deep breath and make my way through the crowd, saying thanks to the few people complimenting me on our performance. When I make it all the way to back, I can see him still standing in the same spot with his arms crossed, looking as if he's waiting for someone. Maybe he is.

"Hi."

"Hi. I'm Ben." 

I smile a little at this. "Hello Ben. I'm Rey."

"I like your sound, Rey. Particularly 'Too Close To Stab', did you write that yourself?"

"Yup." I try not to blush. "It's inspired by this guy I like."

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"No. But you can let me buy you one. What do you want?"

"Okay... Just water."

"Perfect. Wait here." I go to the bar and order. The bartender gives it to me on the house.

He's still standing right there with his arms crossed when I return. If only I could ask him to stay in the same spot forever, then I'd always know where to find him. I hand him his bottle.

"Thank you. Do you want to sit down somewhere?"

"I do. I feel pretty exhausted, actually."

"No wonder with that performance. It was pretty intense."

"Thank you." I'll take it as a compliment.

We sit down at the cafe tables by the bar. I lean back and stretch my legs. I feels so good to relax again, I almost let out a groan.

"So, how long have you been playing for?"

"With the band? About three weeks. So if we sounded a little rusty that would be why."

"It was a little rough, yeah," he chuckles and I try to look offended. "But I meant you. How long have you played?"

Oh, he's really doing this. Starting over.

"Since I was five or something. With an old guitar in the basement. I invented my own chord system so I could write everything down. Took a few years until I realised, someone had already done that." I chuckle. "I still have some of my old songs."

"Self taught, huh? You really must be something special."

I'm not. 

"I am. And what about you, Ben? What's your life story?"

"Well... I've taken piano lessons since I was a toddler, basically. I grew up with two travelling parents, always fighting, always slamming the doors, so it was a good way to keep me occupied. I started playing guitar at 11. I was very rebellious." 

I smile at him; it's easy to imagine. 

"When I was 16 I met a girl named Bazine, who was also a were. I left my family and became a part of her pack. They were big on loyalty and never leaving anyone behind, which was very appealing to me. I was so angry at my parents. Still am. Anyways, one day the pack leader asked me to do something I just couldn't do. They gave me an ultimatum. And so I left."

"Shit. Then you were all alone?"

"Yes, well. I continued seeing Bazine, and she sort of helped me." His lower lip pulls into a grimace briefly. "She liked lifting me up, so that when she left, she could watch me break down again. It got really ugly." He pauses to drink. I don't know how to respond, so I just watch him. "Am I boring you?"

"No Ben! I'm just... horrified. I don't think you could be boring if you tried. Please tell me that's not how the story ends?"

"It isn't. Begging my mother for money was the lowest level for me." I can see in his eyes, that that's probably true. "But she gave it to me, paying my tuition for music school. Playing guitar again made me feel more like myself. Those years I learned more about who I was, than I learned about music. I started giving private lessons to earn money and I got a few odd concert jobs that paid really well." He smiles a little. "So when I graduated, I decided to do it again, taking the classical program instead and playing piano."

"You're crazy, Ben. Nobody likes school that much!"

"I'm not."

I shake my head at him. "What happened then? Did you continue seeing Bazine?"

"On and off, yes. I told myself it was just for the sex. I honestly don't know if it's true. Maybe." He takes another sip. "I was hired by the academy to help arrange the international courses for the rhythmic program, and then I decided that I wanted to go all the way to the top and become rector of the school. So that's where I am now."

"Wow. That's very impressive, Ben."

"There's more."

I laugh at him. "There's more?"

"One day I was filling in for the dean, doing auditions for scholarship admissions. Everything goes as expected until this girl; this hard-nosed, scruffy looking, fragile little thing comes onto the stage with her antique Charvel and dingy amplifier. And she sounds completely untrained and scraggy, but she's got something else. Something raw and superior to anything I've heard before."

"Damn right." I can't help but smile at him openly.

"I was completely taken aback. So I fought for her. And she got in."

"So...you are the reason she even got in?" I'm not sure how to feel about that.

"Maybe. The dean is an old punker, I'm pretty sure, she would have fought for her too."

"Huh. And what happened with this girl, then?"

"I couldn't get her out of my head. She seemed to be etched into my memory: they way she moved, her sound, her smell."

We lock eyes for a second striking a nervous impulse all the way through my body, turning me on in an instant. And somehow I know it's the exact same for him; as if it was caused by something outside of us; by the mirrored look in the other person's eyes. I have to look away.

"So when Bazine decided to leave me again, I thought 'now or never'. So I asked around and found out that the girl was starting a band, and her new drummer was friends with one of the people I hung out with. Then, when that drummer held a party I got myself invited, and lo and behold, there she was: Sitting on the floor, legs crossed, back straight, all alone and playing a game on the tv. I knew I had to have her. Selfishly."

I smile at him and bite my lip. "So you decided to seduce her?" 

"Yes. I did."

I almost laugh with stupid joy, shaking my head at us. "Thank you, Ben."

"For what?"

"For telling me about you."

"You're welcome."

"Will you tell me your story?" He asks a little tentatively.

"If you want to hear it." I shrug. "It's not terribly exciting."

"So far, everything about you excites me." 

Oh.

"Okay." Don't blush. "I grew up in a foster home with four other children: Bobby, Katherine, me, Finn and Phasma. But Finn was my real familiy. We were like this." I gesture with my hand. "The mom was always working, and the dad was always home, drinking. We were mostly left to ourselves, and mostly, we had a lot of fun."

I look up at him to check I'm not boring him.

"Good."

"Except for Phasma, the oldest: She hated the dad. Really hated. So one night, when the mom was working, she got him really drunk and then she provoked him until he hit her and then he dragged her, literally dragged her limp body into her room and locked the door. We were so scared. Then the next day the police came and some people from the government. They drove us to a children's home, and they seperated Finn and Bobby from us."

"How old were you?"

"9." He just nods. "So me and Katherine are put in a new home: A pretty normal family, not too poor, not too impressed with us, once we started making trouble." I smile. "I thought that if I made enough trouble, I would be sent back to the children's home, and then I could find Finn."

"But you didn't?"

"No, because one day, Finn and his new foster mom shows up at our door and asks if I could come play with Finn. I was so exalted! And they let me! They let me stay over there practically every weekend, and they had family dinners, and they helped Finn with homework and they even helped me sometimes."

"That sounds nice."

"Yes. Well, my foster mom told me I shouldn't hang around them too much, in case they got sick of me. But they never did. And one day his foster dad found out, that I played the guitar, so he let me play his old Fender, and the rest is history."

"That's a pretty good story, Rey. Can I ask: Didn't they make sure, that you would grow up with other werewolves? Or at least have someone you could go to?"

My smile falls. "They didn't know. My biological mother wasn't one, so..."

"But you knew, right?"

I look down onto the table. I can't believe it's still such a sensitive subject for me. For god's sake, I just told 50 people, that I'm a werewolf. But, I want to tell Ben.

"No."

"Oh, Rey." He reaches out his hand, resting on the table, and I'm involuntarily brought back to that horrible day in the cafe. I can't look him in the eye. But this time I put my hand in his, carefully. He's surprisingly warm.

"When I had my second heat at 18, I suspected it. So I looked it up." I take my time telling him, knowing he'll wait for me. "It felt surreal, reading about all these weird things about me, that apparantly weren't weird or because I was broken, but because I was a werewolf."

"You are exactly the way you're supposed to be, Rey."

It hurts to think back on, but I make sure to control my breath, so I don't start crying. I get the urge to look around me to check nobody's listening in, but instead I focus on the soft, smooth skin on Ben's hand.

"I read about some cases, where parents had been so worried about their babies shifting in public or whatever, that they ended up more or less supressing the shift. So I figured that's what had happened. I also figured, that there was only one way to make sure."

"Please tell me, you didn't do it alone."

"I did. It was shameful." I look at him, giving half smile, half grimace at the memory.

His eyes looking at me are so full of sadness, I'm certain he's going to cry. But he doesn't.

"I did it in my appartment the next full moon. I followed the description on some website, and it was bloody difficult. But suddenly I felt it, in the back of my mind, and I chased after it."

"Your wolf."

"It was desperate. It wanted out. And then it began." I take a couple of breaths to calm down. "It hurt." I swallow. "It hurt so much, that I tried to... reverse it. But it was too late. You now how, if you don't shift for a while, you'll get sort of rusty and it'll hurt?"

"Yes." He swallows.

"Well, I hadn't shifted in over 14 years. It was so painful." Deep breath. "I was writhing on the dirty floor of my appartment, just wishing I could kill it. It took so long, it felt like hours."

He lifts his other hand to caress mine, making it completely disappear between his fingers.

"When it was finally over, I realised that someone was knocking on my door, and people were yelling, but I didn't know how to shift back. And then the door was smashed in, and it was the police. So I'm snarling at them and showing my teeth, but I couldn't even stand up to defend myself."

"Your neighbors had called the police?"

"Yes, because of the screaming. So I ended up in detention."

He keeps caressing my hand and just looks at me without saying anything.

"But...I was fine. I changed back once I'd fallen asleep a couple of hours later." I finally told someone. "Anyways. If I don't really know any of the werewolf customs, that's the reason."

"Of course not."

"I haven't...overstepped with you, have I? In Germany, or... Without knowing it?"

"No."

"And that day at the cafè, I didn't-"

"No. You didn't do anything wrong. I just didn't agree with you." He sighs. "I had imagined we would...yeah."

I swallow before telling him: "I'm ready for you now, Ben." I feel more certain about this than anything.

He doesn't answer, he just looks at me like he wants to devour me. Like that big bad wolf. He leans forward over the table, resting on his elbows, staring into my goddamn soul; so close that I can feel the air shifting as he breathes. The action causes his scent to reach me: leathery and pungent. It turns me on even more. I could just lean right in and kiss those blood red lips.

"I'm going to take such good care of you, Rey." He drawls and my eyes almost roll to the back of my head. I resist the urge to rub my scent gland right there in front of him. 

"Jesus, Ben. You know how tender your voice is?"

"Does it please you, Rey?"

"Yes." I whisper. 

I suddenly feel very conscious of the fact that we're sitting in a very crowded room. It seems he has the same notion, as he leans back a little.

"We need to calm down." He sighs and he levels me with a serious stare. "Do you want to come home with me right now, or do you want to hang out with your friends for a bit?"

Go home with him. Go home and have sex. Lie in his bed that smells like him. Let him feed me all he wants. Let him fuck me. 

I close my eyes to concentrate on the rational part of my brain.

"We can do both, Rey."

Both? Can I? Do I want to wait? "I think maybe I should splash some cold water on my face."

"I'd be happy to wait for you in the bar, Rey. You should celebrate having your first concert with your friends. It's new years. We have plenty of time." 

That's really nice of him. I'm not sure if I can focus on my friends when he's next to me. And I did want to spend time with Finn.

"Yes, I want that. Would you really wait?" 

"Yes, Rey. If you promise you are going to take your time and have fun, then yes, I'll wait. And if you want to introduce me to your friends, I'd be fine with that too."

"Thanks, Ben."

"I may go outside to get som fresh air, but I'm not going anywhere, okay?" 

I nod. "I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Good. I'll hold you to it."

I smile and almost lean in to kiss him, but think better of it. Instead I turn and walk away, with some difficulty, to the bathroom. 

The water feels icy on my burning face and neck, and it's so refreshing. It makes me feel a lot less debauched. I walk out, pointedly not looking in Bens direction, and set off to find the others. I spot Rose with a couple of friends by the stage.

"Hi."

"Hi, how'd it go it with Ben?"

"Pretty good." I say, completely unable to hide my grin.

"Good for you."

One of her friends pipes up: "Your alpha is hot as fuck!" 

I laugh. "Yeah, I know." I like how she said 'your' alpha. "Where's Poe?" 

"Well, he and your friend had some business to take care of in a broom closet somewhere." 

"Ew." I try to push the image out of my head. Her friends snicker.

"But I imagine they'll be back soon. I thought somebody might have been occupying said closet by now, but apparantly somebody has a little more restraint."

"Yeah, we're not at that stage yet. The broom closet stage," I add.

"I think you've added extra stages, then," the friend says, making me laugh.

"I like to make things complicated. It's my style." I yawn. "So where are they hiding the food?"

We all go to eat hors d'oeuvres, stacked up in overwhelming amounts on a buffet table: salmon-rolls, tomato-mozarella sticks, mini-tarts, and petit fours. We just eat and watch the kids have fun and chase after each other. I try to imagine the children as wolves. How big would they be? Would they be just as much at ease while shifted?

"Does anybody ever, uhh...shift at parties like this?" I blurt out. Her friend looks at me as if trying to find a deeper meaning to what I just said.

"She grew up with stos," Rose explains to her before answering me. "No. Only like, babies and toddlers shift inside. I mean, we could do it, I guess. But it would be weird. Like...wearing a bikini top to school. I may be hot outside, but you just don't do that." She looks pensive. "We have moon festivals and stuff, though, way outside of town where we all shift. Well, most of us," she adds. "But you don't shift in the city. And you don't shift inside. You'd get claustrophobic, believe me."

Huh.

"Are you hogging all the food?" Poe interrupts suddenly, tagging Finn behind him by the hand. Finn comes to stand next to me, a little awkwardly, but we both know we won't say a word about it. Poe raids the food table.

"I saw you talking to mr. tall, dark and preppy." Finn says suggestively.

"Yep. His name's Ben."

"Yeah, Rose told me. Are you good?"

"Very good. I'm definitely sleeping at his place tonight."

"Wow. Where is he?"

"He went to get some fresh air." I suddenly feel a little silly about him waiting for me.

"Huh." I can almost hear the smirk in Finn's face. "Do I get to meet him?"

"Sure. I'll see if I can find him." 

I grab an appetizer and go to find Ben. It feels right. There are loads of people hanging out in the bar, but I find him with his bottle of water, looking at his phone. I walk up to him and hand him the appetizer.

"I'm told food is a big thing for weres."

"Hi there, sweetheart," he greets me before taking and eating the thing. I watch him chew and swallow. Maybe I can see the appeal. "It is. Especially when you're making a big deal of it."

I scoff. "You're one to talk, mr. packed-me-breakfast-from-the-hotel."

"You were the one making it weird, trying to refuse. Anybody else would have just taken it and said thank you."

"You're inccredible." I shake my head at him, but he just smiles like he's proud of it. "Do you want to meet the gang?"

"Yes, I do."

We walk over there, pointedly not touching each other, for which I'm grateful. They see us coming from miles away.

"So everybody... This is Ben." I check on him, "you already know Rose and Poe, these are Rose's friends, I don't even know their names."

"Mary Elizabeth," and "Christopher," they pipe in.

"Hi. And this is Finn."

"Hello Finn. Rey told me about you." Finn just smiles proudly, like he knows much he means to me.

"Yes, Finn," I interject, deadpanning, "I told Ben all your embarrassing stories."

He rolls his eyes at me. "Nice to meet you, Ben." Then his face turns mock serious. "I'd threaten you to treat her right, but I think we both know," he pauses for effect, "she's much more frightning than me."

"Damn right," I agree and Ben just smiles.

We eat some more food, and chat for a while. Me and Finn uphold our tradition of jumping into the new year together. I even join the others in the champagne toast, but the alchohol still tastes like piss to me. I'm pretty glad I chose to stay, though. Not long after midnight, Rose goes off to make out with some guy she met, so we're just talking on the sofa. Ben has his arm on the couch behind me, stroking my shoulder with his thumb, and clutching his phone in the other hand. When Poe starts nodding off on Finn's shoulder, I know it's time to call it a night.

"Are you good?" I ask Finn. 

"Yeah, I'm good. I'm sleeping at this guy's place tonight," he says slapping Poe thigh, making him jerk upright, looking around in confusion.

"Good." I turn to look at Ben. "Do you want to get out of here?"

"I do." He immediately gets on his feet, as if he couldn't bare to sit there another second.


	5. Yield to me

We say goodnight and Ben takes my hand to lead me though the waning crowd and into the winter night. It's dark and the air is dry and cold, the only sounds coming from the building we just left. Ben stalks ahead with me, but I stop him.

"Wait."

He turns around, looking at me with concern. "If you want to go home instead-"

"No. I want you to kiss me." I blurt out. I just don't see the point in waiting anymore than I have to. What if we die in a car crash?

He stops completely, before taking a step towards me. His hands lift to cradle my face carefully. He strokes his thumb across my lips, and they part for him. I'm so ready for this.

"You can wait, Rey."

I literally gasp in shock and almost curse at him. What the hell? I look him in the eye, menacingly, but there's a challenge there. A challenge for my patience. 

"Fine," I snarl at him and stomp off. Soon he catches up and I let him take my hand again. When we get to his car, he opens the door for me, hovering as I put my seatbelt on. He then closes it carefully and gets in himself. Not a minute later, we are on the road.

"Is your place far?" I try not to sound impatient, but he seems to get the gist.

"Just five minutes."

"Good."

"Have you had sex with an alpha before?"

Oh, damm. Straight to the point. "Umm... No?"

"Okay. Do you know anything about were sex?"

Ugh. Do we really have to do this? Awkward. I scrunch up my nose. "I maybe, may have watched werewolf porn once. But I'm not sure if any of it's real."

"Yeah, forget about that. It's..." He pauses to think, alternating between gripping and relaxing his hands on the wheel. "I want to take it slow."

"But not too slow," I protest.

"No. Just slow enough that we have time to enjoy it."

"Yes, please."

"I'm going to be in charge, okay?"

"Yes, sir! I'd prefer that." 

"Good. I might get rough too. You might have a few bruises tomorrow; how do you feel about that?"

"I'd like that, please." The thought makes my belly swoop.

"Are you always so polite, when you're turned on?"

"No." I'm really not. But my lovers aren't usually so commanding. I like it. It makes me feel at ease and... bold. Bold in a different way than usual. Not in a rushed, nervous way, but in a confident, eyes-wide-open way. It's the feeling that allows me to look down at his jeans, shamelessly trying to make out the size and shape of him. I feel good. 

"It's just you, Ben. You make me want to be polite and respectful." 

"Good girl. We're almost there." He pauses. "How do you feel about pet names, Rey? Like 'good girl' and 'sweetie'?"

"I think I like it."

"Good. Because I like that too."

"What pet names can I call you then?"

"You can call me alpha, sir, master, daddy, anything you like. As long as it's respectful. And you can always call me Ben."

"Wow." I have to bit my lip. "I think I'll have to try out all of them. Sir." I feel the hairs on my arms stand up, and I'm breathing a little too quickly.

"I'm very glad, sweetie." 

He pulls up in a parking lot and turns off he car. "Stay there," he commands.

I stay. I go to take my seatbelt off, but something tells me to wait. He opens my door, sees the thing and promptly leans in to unbuckle it. It does something strange to me. Something profound. I let him lead me out by the hand, then recall what he just said.  
"Thank you, daddy." 

The word is strange in my mouth. It sort of stays, suspended on my tounge. 

He doesn't answer me, doesn't look at me, just marches ahead, dragging me along by the hand. When we reach the door of his flat and he opens it, I can smell his scent in there. This is his home: This is where he eats and sleeps and masturbates. I toe off my shoes, while looking around. I want to kiss every single piece of furniture. 

Ben shuts the door behind me, then shoves me against it, before rubbing his face against my neck. Scenting me. He trails kisses along my face until he lands his lips on mine, finally giving me what I want. He is so soft and perfect, but it ends too quickly, when he falls to his knees in front of me, letting his hands slide down to my waist, and lastly burying his face between my legs. I squirm and grab onto his head automatically, watching his large back expand with his lungs, breathing me in. It feels indecent. I know I'm wet. His long fingers are splaying across my lower back, the tips digging in pleasantly. It looks like he's worshipping me. Or offering me up to the gods.

When he stands back up again, I let my hands slip down to rest on his shoulders. I feel oddly collected; dazed, but in control, as I watch him in fascination. He brushes a few strands of hair off my face, and reaches behind to pull out my elastics, one by one, releasing their tight hold. With his fingertips pressing into my scalp, he slides his hand through my hair, gripping it slowly, but firmly enough to pull my head back a little. My eyes fall shut and I take a long slow breath. The air is so silent between us, as if time has stopped for this.

Then I feel his soft warm lips on my neck. He kisses me right on top of my scent gland, making me suck in a breath. His tounge laves over it wetly, causing me to grip at his neck, nails digging in. It feels so obscene; so overtly sexual. And he doesn't stop. I slide my foot up his leg, hooking it around him. He holds it in place with is hand, grabbing firmly onto my thigh, his fingertips pressing into the muscle painfully, making me moan. I use his grip as leverage to lift myself off the floor and squeeze my other leg around him. 

"Such strong legs," he mutters. We hold onto each other for a while, catching our breaths.

"I can't think straight, Rey. If I go too fast or too rough, you have to tell me okay? Even if you aren't sure. Promise me."

"I promise, master." I smile with my eyes closed, the word feeling peculiar on my tounge.

He lifts me away from the door, gripping onto both my legs. I press myself against him, as he walks to his bedroom and carefully lays me down on the bed. I don't bother to close my legs again when he lifts off me. Is feels lewd. He steps back and shuts the door, then runs his hands through his long black hair, looking agitated. 

"Are you on birth control?"

"No."

"Okay, I have condoms. You have had sex before, right?"

"Yes."

"Good." He breathes out, loudly. 

"Stop worrying, Ben. You're not the only adult here."

"Right." 

I pull up my shirt and top as high as they'll go while I'm lying on them, exposing my belly to him. 

"Will you help me? Alpha?"

With that word, something seems to click inside him: his face falls into something calm as he walks to sit down on the bed beside me. "Of course, little one. Sit up."

I do, but remain passive, letting him control what happens, for the first time in my life. I lift my arms as he pulls the offending pieces of clothing off and gasps softly, when he sees I'm naked underneath.

"Very good." He throws my clothes on the floor and I grab the bottom of his t-shirt, but his hand stills me. "Be patient, sweetheart. Can you lie down for me?"

I scowl at him and consider refusing him. I wonder how he'll react. But I don't really want to. So I let myself fall back into the soft matress again. 

"Good girl, doing what I say."

My nipples stiffen from the chill and the absence of his warm hands. He watches my face as he unbuckles my leather belt and my old baggy jeans; he watches me as he drags them down along with my shorts and dump it all on the floor. Feeling his gaze on me, on my naked form, makes me squirm underneath it and press my thighs together for some relief. I'm so wet and ready for him.

"I've been very patient, sir."

"You have, little one. What would you like in reward?" He asks distractedly, while drinking in my skin with his eyes.

"Touch me." I wriggle my hips to emphasize my meaning.

He slowly, carefully, splays his warm hand over my belly and pauses for a moment, seemingly entranced by the sight: His large hand makes me look so small by comparison. I sigh in pleasure, and rub my thighs together, stimulating myself. He slides his hand along my torso, climbing over my ribs and catching on my nipples, before finding and closing around my throat. 

His breath leaves him in a rush. "Is this okay?"

I am in his mercy, and I feel so comfortable. 

"Yes, alpha. I belong to you." I don't actually mean it, except I do. 

His grip tightens; fingers reaching all the way to my neck and stemming some of my blood flow. 

"Okay?" He breathes shakily, clearly affected.

"Yes," I whisper, unable to make a clear sound. "No more."

He hums in agreement, then leans over me, lowering his face to mine, so close that I feel his breath tickle my skin as he speaks, eyes searching mine.

"You're not even fighting me, Rey. You're just lying there, accepting it, like a good omega."

My cheeks burn. I stare him down; stare into those dark, melancholy eyes. I lie completely still as he sinks his red lips into mine, breathing into me for a second before moving. The slide is so soft and wet, so sinful and addicting, I don't know what to do except keep going. His hand releases its grip around my throat, reversing its journey over my body, past my sensitive nipples, dipping into my belly and sinking a single finger betwen my legs, grazing my sensitive bud.

"Ahh!" I erupt in pleasure. "Please."

"Yes, my sweet one," he whispers onto my cheek. "You like that?" He runs his finger lightly back and forth over it.

"Yes, please. More, please. Sir."

"Such a polite omega, you are," he says, but doesn't give me anymore than feather light touches. I feel him jostling, getting comfortable on the bed beside me. His other hand comes up to grip my jaw and tilt my head to the side, displaying my throat to him. Then I feel his wet tounge worming over my gland, teeth scraping into the sensitive skin around it, and I almost explode. I'm so close to the edge. 

"Please." I squeeze around his finger and try to press into him. "Harder, sir."

He only seems to do the opposite, removing his mouth from me and leaning back to watch me. The back of his hand brushes over my forehead, as if to check my temperature.

"You're so close, aren't you sweetheart? All you want to do is just come all over my finger."

"Alpha," I breathe shakily. It's not enough.

"Can you spread you legs just a little, hm?"

I do it immediately, giving him space to stimulate me with two fingers, still only touching lightly.

"Thaat's better. Isn't it sweetheart?" He croons and brushes his fingers over the sweaty skin on my forehead.

"Yes, daddy."

"My good girl. So patient for me. Doing everything daddy says. I'm so proud of you. Now, now, lie still. Don't move around so much."  
It's difficult, but I force myself to hold still. 

"Very good. Whenever you are ready, I want you to come, okay?" 

As I nod enthusiatically, I feel his breath on my forehead, chilling my clammy skin.

"I love seeing you like this, sweetheart. You're just completely at my mercy, aren't you? I bet you know exactly how to touch yourself to get off, but you don't. You let me control everything. And you're just going to have to come with what I give you, aren't you? My good girl, going to come all over your alpha's fingers."

That's the last drop and I explode with my orgasm, squeezing around his fingers, grabbing at the sheets, and keening with a high pitched sound.

"Thaat's it. Sweet, sweet girl. Come for me. Come for your alpha."

I'm panting, sweating and feeling dizzy. It's all too much. And I want more. I want him inside me now, but he just stays there, humming and caressing my face with his fingertips.

"Alpha. Please."

"Shh... Calm down sweetheart. You did so good."

I take a couple of breaths to get my bearings. I realise he's still fully dressed, while I'm lying here, completely naked. Fuck. I roll over on my side and watch him the way he watches me. His cheeks are flushed, breath a little shallow, with an intoxicated look in his shining eyes. I push at his shoulder, but he's too heavy for me. 

"Lie back."

"I thought I was in charge," he says with a smile playing around his lips.

I grumble and push at him again, and this time he let's his body drop onto his back. I follow, rolling on top of him: My belly, my thighs, my breats, every part of me pressing into the coarse fabric of his clothes. I submerge my nose in the crook of his neck, just breathing him in. Finally. That musky, leathery scent makes me even more wet, more horny, more ready to take him. With each breath his chest expands and lifts me into the air, then back closer to his neck when he exhales. It would probably lul me to sleep in another circumstance. I trace his scent gland with my nose and when I find it, I lick it. He promptly grabs onto my arms, as if to shove me off, but instead he only holds me there. The gland tastes pungent up close, almost bitter, and reeking of sex. 

"Easy there, tiger." 

I lift off him and grin challengingly. And then a thought strikes me.

"What if I wanted to... defy you a little? Would that be okay?"

He squints at me, not looking very impressed. "I would probably be mad," he says finally and a little threatening.

"Yes, that's the point, alpha. But can you handle it?"

"Yes Rey, I can handle it. Though I might get rough." 

"Good." I imagine him wrestling me, getting angry, and I smile slyly. 

"And I want a safeword," he adds. "You say 'lemon' if it's too much, okay? Or tap on my shoulder."

"And vice versa?"

"Yes. Same goes for me."

"Good," I say determinately and lean down to kiss his scent gland again. Then I move on to his cheekbone, his eyebrow, the corner of his mouth and just beneath the shell of his ear. It feels endearingly sweet, even as I'm dripping onto his jeans. I move down his body, kissing the last bit of accessible skin above his collarline, simultaneously realising that the thing pressing into my belly is his erection. 

Good.

I quickly shove up his t-shirt without being prepared for the sight: He's so pale and so fit, I can see the different muscles outlined in his skin, moving and flexing when I drag my finger over them. He is incredibly broad; there's almost no visible curve at his waist. He looks so, so strong. I lick at the skin, shamelessly, to taste it: salt and a little bitter. I push the shirt further up, but it's trapped underneath him. I don't even care to make a proper request, I just whine, while pushing at the fabric. 

"Okay, little one," he chuckles. "Hold on." 

I do hold on, so I don't fall off him as he arches his back, before lifting his shoulders off the matress to pull off the shirt. I straddle him so I can better run my hands all over his skin, through the sparse black curls on his chest, and down along his muscled sides. He is so beautiful.

He moves his hands to my thighs and I look at his face, which seems closed off in bliss. I gyrate my hips against where I can feel his erection underneath me, once, then twice.

"I think I've completely soiled your trousers now."

"Mmm, good girl." He breathes, content, with his eyes still shut.

"Have you fantasized about me?" 

"Yes, sweetie." Oh fuck. 

"How did you imagine me?" I slide my hand to grasp the button on his jeans, but I don't open them just yet.

"I imagined you on your knees in front of me on the floor, asking permission to suck me off."

Holy shit. I pop the button open and undo the zip, watching it slide down almost on it's own from the pressure of his member straining against it. I have the urge to kiss the briefs stretched tight over it, but I want to make him wait. I scoot down to sit in between his legs, hooking my fingers over his jeans and briefs.

"What else?"

"I imagined you on all fours in my bed, naked and arching your back to present your pussy to me. You were dripping and clenching around nothing, desperate for me to fill you up."

"You have a filthy mouth, sir." I don't care how my voice shakes, I want him to hear how much his words affect me. I drag his jeans and briefs off carefully, and press my face to the articles, before dropping them on the floor. I force myself not to look at his member, but instead I focus, first on his feet: I lift one, his leg quite heavy, and I kiss the bottom of the sole tenderly, making him shiver above me. Then I move on to his knees, kissing each one and running my fingers over the delicate skin on the back. Then his thighs, that are massive and muscular and dusted with dark hairs on the creamy white skin. Only then, do I look at his cock: Large, curved and much darker than his belly, the head peeking out of the foreskin. I flit my eyes to his, to discover him observing me with a hand beneath his head. I lean over and kiss the tip, feeling a little precome on my lips. It's smells not so unlike his gland, very pungent. I lick at the thing to taste it as well: dark, rusty and so, so warm. 

"You don't have to, Rey" he says softly, making me pause. There's something wrong with those words. 

"Wait." I sit up with a frown. "What's that supposed to mean?."

He looks at me strangely, still completely flushed, his mouth open to speak, but he doesn't say anything.

"If you think for one second," I scoff, "that I'm going to do anything I don't want to just to please you. You don't know me at all."

This makes his lips quirk up, sparking a glint in his eyes. "You're right."

"Good," I sneer at him before returning to my study, ignoring his eyes.

I close my hand carefully around his warm member, a shudder running through me as I realise my fingers can hardly reach all the way around. The thought of this thing inside me, makes me clench around nothing, as in his fantasy. Neglected for now. With my thumb I drag the foreskin down carefully, humming at the sight of his smooth, glistening head. I wet my lips thoroughly, before letting them part around the tip of his cock. The slide, the taste and the weight of him feels indescribably satisfying. It feels right and pleasant in my mouth. I bring my other hand around him, giving in to the need to close myself around him completely. Engulf him. With the pointed tip of my tounge, I feel around the edge of the head, mapping out bumps and crevices, before trying at the little slit in the center, worming into it.

"That's enough, sweetie," he grunts above me, dropping his hand to my elbow. But I'm nowhere near done. 

I pull off to look at him, while still gripping his member in both my hands. The position makes me feel powerful. He looks absolutely debauched, patches of fiery red marking his chest and neck, rising and falling rapidly with his panting. He looks like he's about to explode. 

"Enough, Rey."

I can't stop the grin that starts splitting my lips, so I move before he can react, closing my lips around him blisfully. It's all I want.

He yanks my arms away roughly, forcing me off him. "Stop it now."  
But he isn't saying lemon, and the thought eggs me on. I try to reach him again, but he tightens his hold on my arms, violently, his grip completely ceasing my blood flow and sending a rush of hormones through me that say: Submit. Sumbit and survive. But I know I'm not in danger, and I'm having too much fun to stop now. So I snarl at him, leaning forward and biting into the flesh of his upper arm, hard, forcing him to let go. He immediately grabs me by the jaw instead, inserting his fingers into the skin between my teeth, and it hurts and it excites me. I grip his shoulders, throwing all of my strength and weight into him, pushing him over. I'm not weak. But he continues our fall, turning and rolling on top of me, pressing my arms deep into the matress and using his weight to keep me down. I can still feel his erection along my thigh. I moan and wriggle in his grasp uselessly, pressing needily against his hip.

"I'm in charge," he snarls. "Say it!" 

He's feverish; hair hanging around his face, sweating and trembling in anger just centimeters above me. His eyes shine an almost unnatural yellow. The sight turns me on so badly. But I'm not ready to give in yet. Without warning I lunge at him, snapping my jaw just shy of his neck, making him yank away from me, but he still doesn't let me go. Instead he carefully slides his grip from my arms to my wrists, and pulls them above my head.

"I'm twice as strong as you, Rey. Give up."

I growl at him like an animal, twisting under his weight. "GET. OFF. ME!" I grit out, trying to wriggle my hands out of his sweaty grip, but it's no use. My fingers are so numb, I can't even bend them. 

His flushed face splits slowly into a wicked smile as he realises he has me. "I'm in charge," he demands a little more calmly. "Say it." He shifts his grip deftly to free his hand, which he uses to clasp around my neck, pushing me further into the matress. He holds it there and waits.

And waits.

Then suddenly something lets loose inside of me, making my hairs stand on end and drawing all the air from my lungs. I open my eyes to see him above me, so naked, so vulnerable in his depraved state.

"You're in charge." 

He immediately releases my throat, giving me back some freedom, but I stay completely still. I feel drugged. 

"Good girl." 

I'm so dizzy, so drugged. I feel deteriorated, worn down, with only enough energy to breathe and want. Want him. "Please."

"Please what, sweetie?" He takes my arms one by one and lowers them carefully to my sides; the arms that he hurt himself a second ago. "What do you need?"

"Please let me have you." I suck ain a breath at the realisation of the honest truth: I want all of him. The tender. The rough. The base. "Please."

"Okay, little one, you want me to fuck you?"

I nod and spread my legs for him. He looks at me for a moment, brushing the hair out of my face again, tenderly. Then he shifts, moving his hand down between us, and when he touches my core, I yelp in surprise. I'm so swollen and so achingly sensitive. I grip his shoulder with my free hand, shifting my hips to accommodate him. He slides his fingers inside me slowly, watching me as he goes. I can tell he doesn't want to hurt me, so I don't rush him. After a moment he starts pulling out and pushing back in, and I'm keening from it, clutching at him, and wishing so badly it was his cock instead. But I don't complain. He keeps going, adding another finger at some point, but I feel too delirious to notice. I feel it building up it inside me, this need. I'm desperate, vulnerable, over-stimulated.

"Please stop, no more. I want..." God damn, I can't even articulate it. "Please," I whimper pathetically.

He lets his fingers slide out and it feels obscene. "Tell daddy what you want."

"Fuck me please." I whine. "Please daddy, I can't wait anymore, I've waited so long."

"Shh, sweetheart, I've got you." 

I feel him jostling above me, as he reaches to his nightstand. He unwraps a condom and rolls it on carefully. Torturously slow.  
"You've been such a good girl, waiting for my cock." He climbs back over me, positioning himself and then I feel the warm head of it against me. 

"Oh."

"I'll give you what you need, sweetie," he says while pushing against me, with increasing effort, until it forces itself past my barriers, making me gasp in surprise. He pushes ahead steadily, prying his way inside me and gritting his teeth as if it hurts. "That's it, baby girl. You can take it."

I groan from deep in my throat in pleasure. I feel like an animal, closing my legs around him and digging my heels in to press him all the way inside me. I feel so full in my belly, feel so appeased having consumed all of him. With a lazy smile I drag his face to mine by his hair, and our lips touch again, both exhausted, both wanton, sliding wetly against each other. 

"Fuck me, daddy."

He growls in his throat, the sound vibrating through his lips, as he pulls out and thrust back immediately. He shoves his hand between us, his fingers reaching to stroke my most sensitive spot, as he fucks into me.

"You're just dripping for me, little one, huh? Do you like taking your alphas cock?"

"Yes I do," I sigh in pleasure.

"Good girl. You are just done fighting me, aren't you?"

"Aha."

He is pumping himself inside me, rubbing harder at my nub, and I give up trying to keep up, give up trying to clutch him inside me; it's too much, so I just relax in his grip, relax into the matress and let my body receive him. 

"Thaat's it. You take my cock so well, omega. Look at you, allowing me to fuck you; submitting to your alpha. You're such a good little girl."

"Please take me, alpha" I whisper. 

"Yes, you need my big cock, don't you? So eager for it, begging me so politely to fill up that sweet, wet pussy."

"Yess." I'm so close to coming. I feel pierced on his cock, unable and unwilling to move under his weight, nothing to do but take the steely shaft. 

"I want to feel you coming all over my cock. My good, good girl. So sweet and obediant. Yield to me, sweetheart." He leans over and laves his toung messily over my gland.

My orgasm washes over me, bursting through every nerve ending in my body, almost painfully.

"Thaat's it, little one. Take it. Milk your alpha's cock. So greedy for me."

I realise he's coming too, never ceasing the endless stream of filth from his lips.

"Sweet omega, taking me so well. So full of your alpha's seed." He collapses against me, too heavy on top of me, pinning me down completely. But I don't mind. Not yet. He pushes against me one more time, wetly, colliding with my sensitive core, making me gasp from the sensation. "So full of my seed," he repeats, as if saying it will make it happen. With some effort I manage to lift my hand to stroke his hair back. He is burning up. We both are; drenched in sweat and smelling heavily of sex. 

"You take such good care of me, Ben."

"Mmm." He turns his head on the side, giving us both a little air. Then he opens his eyes to look at me, and if I wasn't so exhausted I would cry. He looks so blissed out, so vulnerable, and I feel my heart swell up.

"I think I love you."

"I think so too."


	6. Respect

"So, any plans for the weekend?" Poe asks cheerily.

"Just hanging out with Ben. Preparing my last exam on tuesday." 

Rose sighs. "I still have two more exams to go. Do not look forward to second year, people. It gets worse."

"Well, I'm taking my boyfriend to a concert at the Amphi Theatre." Poe declares.

I already know this from Finn, so I just smile.

"Cool. Who's playing?"

"Dizzy Mizz Lizzy."

"Omg! They're coming here?"

"Yup. And sold out within two hours." He seems pretty damn proud of himself.

I look at my phone. Ben's class is over soon. "You got this?" I ask them, gesturing at the mess of cables and stuff on the floor. I already packed my own stuff. "I should go find Ben."

"Sure thing, Rey." Rose smiles.

I make my way to the auditorium, reaching it as people begin pouring out. It's funny how they all seem to dress a little different from us on the rhythmic program. A little prettier. Cleaner. I'm feel so messy in comparison. Someone gives me a serious elevator look, so I flip them off. Then Ben finally comes out, his face lighting up when he sees me. He goes straight to me, reaching for my hip and kissing me without warning. He is not shy about public displays of affection.

"Hey there, sweet one. You want to get out of here?"

"Mm-hm."

We're going to his place, as we've done almost every single day since new years. Except for those first days when he went into a rut and refused to see me. I shudder at the thought.

We shop groceries on the way, with Ben looming over me the whole way. He always does this when we're outside of school or his appartment. Like the grocer is dangerous territory. It's incredibly dumb, but also sort of nice. We help each other pack it in bags and I get this strange recurring feeling, that I am content with my life. On the way back in the car, Ben puts his hand on the inside of my thigh, and I know exactly what it means. He just strokes it casually, while I talk about rehearsal, as if I can't smell the arousal on him. 

When get inside the flat, he puts the groceries down in the hallway instead of the kitchen. And as I'm toeing off my shoes, he tries to back me up against the wall with that hungry look on his face, but I yelp in excitement and dash out of his reach into the living room.

"You have to put the groceries away, Ben!"

He prowls nearer, then suddenly comes at me, gripping at me, but I scurry behind the sofa. We stare each other down, me with a evil grin on my face, while he considers his options. We both know that I'm faster than him short distance, so eventually he turns around and begins putting the groceries away. I near the dinner table cautiously, knowing the game is still on, but he keeps his eyes on the food. I can smell his arousal in the room though, he can't fool me. I feel alive.

When he finishes, he saunders slowly to the table, making me back up towards the sofa again, while I watch him like a hawk. He leans back on the table, long legs with feet planted firmly on the ground, and crossing his arms casually. But his eyes still look at me like I'm his prey. Then he slowly buttons down his shirt and removes it, exposing his skin to me. Oh. I'm helpless to do anything but stare and try to take in his beauty. 

"If you're done playing around, why don't you come over here and take what you want?" 

God damn. He knows he looks good, and he knows how it affects me. So I give in and walk towards him, watching for any sudden movement, ready to flee. But he stays relaxed and leaning against the table. So I go to him, and I worship his body, and I get down on my knees and I beg him to give me what I want.

...

Afterwards, when we've both finished, we shower together. I take the longest time, still not used to the luxurious shower in his flat. When I'm done, I put on my pants and nothing else, before rushing to the living room, just so I can see him again. He sits in the sofa, bare feet up, with his phone in his hands and an apple on the table.

He takes one unimpressed look at my undressed state: "I have windows, you know. And neighbors."

Well, they'll learn not to look through his windows. "Give me your t-shirt then," I tell him cheekily.

He shakes his head at me, but I can tell there's a smile in the corner of his mouth. "Go grab one in my drawer."

Yes! I scurry in there and search through his old band t-shirts in the back, finding a giant red and black one with Black Sabbath. I bring it to my nose, but it only smells like cotton and detergent, so I stomp back into the living room, handing it to him.

"Do you want me to dress you, sweetie?" 

Oh. There's a pleasant thought. 

"No! You have to wear it first. It doesn't smell like you at all. Please," I add and give him my best puppy eyes.

"Okay," he sighs, "but then I want you to promise to be good for the rest of the day."

"Yes! I promise." I almost jump with joy when he pulls off his shirt and switches it with mine. He looks very different in the old one; a little younger, a little more rebellious. I fiddle with mine, waiting for him to finish. 

"Tell me, sweetheart," he says, knowing there's something up. I sit myself down on the sofa, before handing him the shirt again and just raising my arms. I feel exposed, but then his eyes turn soft, and he slides the giant shirt over my head. I'm pleasantly enveloped in his scent and the lingering warmth in the fabric. I feel so treasured I just crawl on top of him and burrow into his chest.

"Thank you, daddy," I murmur and he kisses my hair. 

"You're welcome, little one. Tell me, when did you last eat?"

"Noon. Poe had Bugles." I grin at him. I know he probably doesn't approve.

"Crisps for lunch then?"

I shrug. I know it's not good for me, but that's just how it is. I don't like the thought of him controlling what I eat. Outside of him cooking for me of course.

"I don't want any rules about eating, Ben. But I'll try and be better, if you like." I avert my eyes, hoping I didn't disappoint him too much. I'm quickly learning how much the food-thing means to him. And I do want to please him.

He caresses my cheek, feather light. "You are such a good girl, Rey, for telling me what you need." He sighs. "I can't tell you how nice that is for me. You make it so easy for me being your alpha."

Oh. But. "Really?" 

"Yes, sweetheart. You're sparing me of a lot of unecessary worrying." He strokes my hair behind my ear. "Is it okay then, if I tell you to eat, when we're together?"

"Aha, that would be nice. But you can't get mad if I say no." 

"Of course, sweetie."

He reaches out to grab the apple and hands it to me. Instead of accepting it, I scoot down and lean my head back in his lap and open my mouth wide.

"You really trust me, huh?" 

I just look up at him with my mouth open until, he lowers the fruit to me and I take a bite from the crunchy flesh, chewing it happily. I was kind of hungry. As I chomp down on the second bite, he moves his free hand to slowly stroke my belly. I feel vulnerable, treasured and a little aroused, looking up at him.

"You always take care of me." 

"You always make it easy for me." 

I laugh softly at this. "Sure, when I'm not demanding your shirts, and forgetting to eat, and refusing to let you buy me stuff?"

"No, it's easy then too."

"You're a strange one, Ben."

"No. I'm not. And neither are you." He smiles indulgently. "Do you want to help me with dinner tonight?"

"Sure. I'll try not to ruin it."

Later, we make dinner and dessert, and then we cuddle up on the sofa to watch a movie. He wants to watch Star Wars, so I tell him what a big nerd he is, though I've actually wanted to see it for a long time. An hour or so into the film, I notice he has fallen asleep, head lolling on the armrest. Out of habit I fight to stay awake, not wanting the evening to end. But then I remember, that we'll be together tomorrow too, and the day after that, so I let myself dose off sweetly on his chest. I barely wake up when he carries me to his bed.

...

The next day is spent sleeping in and me lounging on the sofa as he makes us breakfast. He handfeeds me little pieces of fruit, but it quickly gets out of hand, and we end up fucking on the table. I have never had so much sex in my life. Not even close. 

We take a trip to the museum, where there's a new exhibition he wants to see. I don't care for fancy art, but I like tagging along, distracting him and trying to make him laugh. When we get back in the afternoon, he has some work to do on his laptop, and I pull my sefl together and read up on some homework, while cuddling up to him on the sofa.

At some point, out of nowhere, there's three loud knocks on the front door, making us both tense up. 

"Did you order something?"

"No," I answer with a frown. Is he worried?

He gets up and pads carefully to the door to look out the peephole. Then he comes back with a grave expression, to where I'm sitting, and crouches before me, putting a hand on my knee.

"Bazine is here."

Three thunderous knocks on the door.

"I'm going to talk to her, but I won't let her inside, okay?"

"It's okay, Ben. I trust you." 

I do. I just need some time to collect myself.

Another three meancing knocks.

He doesn't say anything further, just stands back up in his Black Sabbath t-shirt, bare feet and a hardened look on his face. I scoot to the other end of the sofa, where she definitely won't see me from the door. He walks back slowly, and I hear the door click open.

Then nothing.

Then Bazine speaks: "So it really is true then, I'm so happy for you, Kylo!" 

Kylo? 

"Are you going to introduce us?" She has a pleasant, sort of soft voice.

"No."

"Wow, she smells absolutely divine! And she's got you wearing your old t-shirts again. Good old Kylo Ren, remember? I really would love to meet her. What's her name?"

"I need you to leave."

She clicks her tounge. "Is she taller than me? Is she more beautiful? Huh, alpha? Does she beg you as well as I do? Does she drive you crazy with lust?"

"Leave, Bazine."

"Maybe you could have us both. Hm? Imagine that, alpha: Two omegas in front of you, presenting-"

The door slams shut in her face, but she doesn't stop, only raises her voice so we can hear her through the wood: "-presenting their pretty pussies for their big strong alpha. You know, if she's up for it."

She knocks on the door again. "Are you going to come out, oh sweet omega?"

What a horrid bitch. I rise from the sofa and walk up to Ben. He shakes his head at me; or at himself, I'm not sure.

I look at her through the peephole. 

Holy mother! She is stunning! She has those pouty, lipstick red lips and intensely green eyes, shadowed by dark feathery lashes. Her long brown hair reaches below her breasts. She looks strong and healthy. Fruitful. She's the image of the perfect omega.

Then, I open the door.

"Rey!" Ben exclaims belatedly.

"Well, what a good omega you are. Rey. You want to please your alpha?" Bazine tells me sweetly.

"I'm not as tall as you, Bazine. And I'm clearly not as beautiful."

She looks a little uncertain, squinting her eyes at me.

"I don't beg as well as you do either, and my pussy doesn't take him as well as you do. Do you understand me?"

"What the fuck is the matter with this one, Kylo?" She gestures at me as if I'm a defect object, looking a little disgusted.

"I am inferior to you, Bazine, in every single aspect but one:"

She looks at me again, her cute facade completely gone.

"I respect him. Do you understand?" I pause to let it sink in. "You can never, ever, EVER compete with that." I snarl at her.

She looks up at Ben, then looks back at me.

"What a fucking freak!" She spits and huffs like a boiling kettle. "But you're right. I AM the best fucking omega you'll ever get a whiff of. You don't bloody deserve me, Kylo, and you know it." She turns to leave, raising her voice as walks down the stairs. "Maybe I'll go fuck that redhead friend of yours instead."

Ben leans out the door, yelling at her: "I'd like to see you try!"

The last we see of her is her middle finger, before Ben closes and locks the door. He still looks angry, but when he hugs me to him, I can feel his breath evening out again gradually.

"I can't believe you made her go away."

"I can't believe how damn beautiful she is."

"Yeah. Only the outside, though. And for the record, she doesn't do any of those things better than you."

"I know. It's what she needed to hear."

We stay like this for a good while, holding on to and scenting each other, trying to calm down. When we're both back to normal again, we begin working on dinner. Food will make it better. We start talking about music, and writing music, and I probably distract him more than help him, but he manages to concoct a delicious lasagna for us, that we enjoy at the table. I insist on washing the dishes afterwards, trying to make up for my pityful skills in the kitchen, and then I talk him into watching another movie together, letting him pick what he wants. He makes popcorn for us and we cuddle up on the sofa, with my back reclining on his torso. He strokes my hair with one hand and eats popcorn with the other. I feel safe.

"Hey, Ben?"

"Yes?"

"You've been a werewolf you're whole life, right?"

"Yes," he huffs out a breath. "So have you, Rey."

"You know what I mean," I retort. "I was thinking; you probably know some good places for, you know...shifting." I can barely utter the word, it's so embarrassing.

"Yes."

"So I wanted to ask you," come on Rey, be casual, "...if maybe could take me? And do it together," I end up whispering. Thank god he can't see my face.

"I'd love to, Rey."

I suck in a deep breath. Why am I so afraid of him turning me down? 

"Rey?"

"Yes?"

"You know it's nothing to be ashamed of, right?" He suggests carefully and the words nudge at something in my chest, something small, and hard, and painful. And suddenly I'm breathing way too fast and tears are welling up in my eyes.

"It's okay, sweetheart." He caresses my arm soothingly as I gasp for air, trying to supress my tears. "It's okay. You know why you are feeling this way, right?"

I take a moment to control my breathing enough to answer. "What do you mean?"

"You told me at new years, remember? About parents shaming their child into not shifting."

"Aha." 

"So the reason you're a feeling ashamed is not because there's anything wrong with it, or shameful in it; it's just because the person who raised you, that one single person, believed it was wrong. And they planted that feeling in you. That's all. It doesn't make it bad. And the shame; it doesn't come from you."

Oh. It feels nice looking at it like that. I'm completely forgetting about the movie, just lying comfortably aganist him, wondering.

"You sound like," deep breath, "you know what you're talking about."

"Yes."

"Shame," I clarify.

"Yes."

I look up at him, silently prompting him to continue without pressuring him too much.

"My piano teacher was also my uncle. Very eccentric," he adds. "Nothing I did was ever good enough. No matter how much I impressed everybody else, he would be there finding faults with me."

"When you were a little child?"

"Yes." He swallows thickly. "I remember having fits of rage every single time I had to go to his house for lessons. And every single time my mother made me go anyways."

"Fuck her." I spit. "Why do people always think they can treat children like that? Like our feelings don't matter. Like we'll understand when we grow up? Fuck that."

He doesn't say anything further and neither do I. I want to hurt them for him, like they made him hurt.

When the movie is done, I can still feel an anxiety in the back of my head: The bad taste in my mouth and the worry, slithering under the surface of my thoughts.

"When can we do it?"

He looks a little confused until he guesses what I'm talking about. Then he fishes out his phone and brings up his calendar so I can see. "The full moon's in five days; next wednesday. How's that?"

"My exam's tuesday, so that would be perfect. I basically have the rest of the week off." 

"Then wednesday it is."

I wonder if that means there'll be less people, when it's not the weekend. "Will there be others?"

"No. I have my own territory up north. It's about two and a half hour drive, though. Very remote."

"Oh." Just us then. "Really?" I can't stop the excitement bubbling up.

"Yes. I inherited it from my grandfather, when he died." 

Why would his grandfather leave it to him, and not his own children?

"Okay." 

I still feel the strange anxiety-excitement, when we go to bed. I can't fall asleep. After a couple of hours of tossing and turning and thoughts cramming my head, I get up. I somehow manage to sneak out without stirring Ben. I go to the kitchen and eat a granola bar and just stare out the window for a while. Then I find a pen and paper, pick up the guitar and bring it all to the dark corner behind the couch. It feels safe there. I start picking ever so lightly at the strings, just trying random things. Soon my brain starts relaxing again, my thoughts fewer and slower, until I'm only focused on the music. I can't stop my brain from seeking out the new melody, dreaming up the words:

"  
Sun has set, very red  
Want to go all the way  
So they say  
See their eyes  
The way they shine  
Don't they say  
All the way

Trapped inside this vicious circle  
Watching out for friendly fire  
I keep searching for the answer  
In their lies  
While they smile  
Who is on my side?

Children run, jump the gun  
Want to go all the way  
Like a game  
Wave goodbye  
Proud to die  
Then they  
Go away 

See them all slip away  
"

I don't know how much time passes, but suddenly I'm sitting there with the most part of a song. I still feel sad, still feel that anxiety, though it's morphed into a sort of melancholy. An old, worn pain.

I hear the muffled sound of Ben from the bedroom, and then his bare feet appear in my field of vision. I look up at him the same time he spots me behind the sofa. He is completely naked and no less beautiful for it. 

"Hi sweetie," he exclaims softly and crouches down next to me. "Are you hiding?"

I can't help but smile at how endearing he sounds. "No, I just couldn't sleep."

He notices the scribled paper on the floor. "So you wrote a song?"

I shrug.

"Want to come back to bed, then?"

In lieu of an answer I reach out my hands to him and let him pull me up on my feet. He helps me put the guitar away and leads me by the hand back into his bed. We lie down and I scoot backwards into his chest. He wraps me in his limbs and I feel so small, so engulfed in him.

"You make me feel so safe."

His whispered answer sounds right next to my ear: "Good. I'll always want to protect you, Rey." He sighs deeply. "For the rest of my life."

The significance of his words floors me, but there is also something matter-of-fact in them. As if he'll feel this way whether he wants it or not.

"Alpha," I sigh, and I hope he understands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: "Hidden War" by Dizzy Mizz Lizzy


	7. New Ground

"What's on your mind?" Ben asks as he moves one hand from the steering wheel to my lap. 

"About a million things." When I'm nervous I can't focus on anything. And I am nervous. I feel as if I'm walking into a lion's den. "I'm not even sure if I can do it."

"I know you can. I'll help you."

"I haven't done it since before school started."

"After christmas?"

"No, after summer."

"Oh." He swallows and glances over to me, then back to the road. "It's going to hurt, then."

"It always hurts." I shrug and take his hand, lacing my fingers in between his warm, slender ones. It still feels as startlingly tender as it did the first time. Like sharing a secret.

"I'll be there."

I look out the window to avoid his eyes. I know it's stupid and I should just pull it together, but it scares me so much even thinking about it. Thinking about shifting out in the open air. Shifting in Ben's presence. 

The sun has almost set. By the time we've arrived it'll be completely dark. Except for the moon. The moon will make it easier. I wonder what it'll feel like on my naked skin, without a window seperating me from its shine. It'll be cold. There's only seven degrees outside and a little windy. Will the urgency of the cold make it easier or harder? I feel my full belly turn over nervously. I should not have eaten so much. 

It's taking forever to get there, and even so, it's not nearly enough time. I'm not ready. When he pulls up on an overgrown gravel courtyard, in front of an old manor, I can't even make myself get out of the car. But Ben gets out, and walks to my side as he has done so many times before, leaning in and undoing my seatbelt, only this time, it's doesn't make me feel... anything. I still feel afraid in a way, but it feels seperate from me. 

He leads me away from the house and into the line of trees surrounding the place. Beech trees. We walk under them for a while, Ben occasionally glancing at me, until we reach a fallen tree covered in moss and moonlight. The massive base of it, still leaning on its roots, is taller than me, and when I look up I can see a small clearing in the treetops, where its crown used to be. Ben puts down a quilt, I didn't notice him carrying and sits down on one of the tree limbs, then pulls me gently to him. He maneuvres me so I sit astride his legs, chest to chest, and he holds me to him.

"Just breathe, little one."

I don't answer him, I just tug my chin over his shoulder. The way his chest rises and falls reminds of New Year's night, when I lay on top of him. It still makes me feel small. Just an insignificant flea inhabiting his body. It feels calming. 

"What would be the easiest, most comfortable way for you to shift? Mm? What do you want me to do?"

I almost scoff at his words. It's certainly not going to be comfortable in any sense of the word. 

"I want you to do it first." I can instantly feel, that he doesn't like this. "Okay. But I won't be able to guide you or comfort you, sweetheart. Don't you want that?"

Oh. I want that. But I can't. I can't have him watch me. I wouldn't be able to do it, I just know. Ugh. Why do I have to be so weird about this? Why can't I just be normal?

"Shh, sweetheart. I've got you. If you want me to shift first, I will. I just need you to know, that I won't be there for you in the same way."

"Do you... Do you think you'd run off? Without me?"

"No sweetheart, I'll stay with you." He kisses me on the shoulder. "I won't be Ben, but I'll still be your alpha; that won't change. I won't leave you, I'll keep you safe."

"Okay, I want that."

"Good girl. I've got you. I'll take care of you." He leans back a little to look at me. "You're feeling okay? You're not hungry or thirsty?" 

I shake my head. "No, I'm fine. As fine as I can be," I shrug.

"Good. Just tell me when you're ready."

"Now." If I wait, I might regret the whole thing.

"Okay." For a second, I consider that he might not be ready. "Okay." 

He stands up, depositing me back on the ground. I take a seat on the tree limb again and begin picking at the bark to distract myself. He crouches to untie his boots, then pulls off his socks and places them by the tree. His jacket is next, then his shirt, which takes some time to unbutton. The belt is slid out of its hoops, then his trousers and shorts come off and he's naked. In front of me in the middle of a forest at night. But the way the moonlight reflects off his skin makes it a little more appropriate. Maybe even natural. But I can hardly look at him.

He comes up to me and cradles my face in his hands. "It's okay, baby. You can watch."

All the air in my lungs leave me in a huff. I really don't know if I can. He kisses me on top of my head and turns around to look up at the moon for just a second, and already I can see the way his muscles seem to come alive, his joints and limbs shifting almost imperceptably. I shudder, remembering the pain. But he doesn't make a sound, his teeth grit, but no frown, no sign of fear, he just sinks gingerly to the ground. There's hairs dusting every part of his body, hiding his skin from the light; his face, the shape of his head, changing right in front of me. It feels surreal. He looks more wolf than human now. 

I realise I'm shaking. My body somehow recognizes what's happening, remembering the feeling of danger. Life threatning danger. His hands become bulkier and shorter, his legs distorted and hidden in his fur and the hair at his tailbone shaping into a new limb. I blink again and he's not Ben anymore. Not human. 

The wolf gets up on his legs with a little difficulty, and shakes his body vigorously, sending leaves flying into the air. He is enormous. I've seen big wolves on film before, but it's just not the same, when he's right here, not two meters away. He sets his yellow eyes on me, and for a minute I feel afraid; what if for some reason, he doesn't recognise me? Thinks I'm trespassing on his territory? He takes just two steps to reach me, but doesn't stop, treading his front paws onto my thighs. I freeze in place with my hands clutching at the bark. He is so heavy on top of me, pressing down on me a little too hard. He's even taller than me, standing like this. But then he just tugs his head into the place between my neck and shoulder, lifting to press his snout behind my ear, scenting me./p>

Okay. I breathe. He does recognize me. 

After a moment, he pushes off me again, turning away to peruse the area. My body trembles from nerves and from the cold. I can't hesitate, can't stop to consider, it's now or never. I begin removing my clothes, oddly not so bothered by the cold or my shaking limbs, and thankfully I don't feel as exposed in the presence of his wolf form. Once I'm naked, I go to the same spot he did, sitting down on my knees in the soft, moist soil and look up at the moon. It feels bigger, closer, without anything between us, the light unfiltered, glowing with raw delight. Out the corner of my eye I see Ben's wolf circling around, coming closer again. I watch the moon attentively, carefully, taking in everything it gives, as I begin searching for my wolf in the back of my head. It's elusive, but once I've caught the trail of it, I hold on to it, refusing to let go. I pull it to the forefront of my mind, and it grows. Bigger and bigger, until it begins latching on and taking over on its own.

Then it starts. I feel the muscles in my legs cramping, and the bones of my knees being chiseled apart. I don't have the option to stay quiet anymore, I simply can't, and my lungs let out a long keening wail. The ache builds up so quickly, far too soon, it's insurmountable, and I know there's no going back. The last thing I see with my own eyes as I fall onto my side, is the giant wolf looming over me, and pacing back and forth restlessly. Then the pain sucks me completely into my body: I only exists in the joints and the bones and the nerves being ripped to shreds by the rising wolf. My skull is sqeezed together like it's being carefully run over by a truck, slowly compressed and elongated. It hurts. My jaw, it hurts. I'm being mauled and stabbed and split apart violently. Strange baritone sounds seems to be coming from me, but I can't focus on them. Please help me. Please let me live. 

I'll never do it again. I promise. I regret it. I won't do it again. Never again.

There's agony. There's a pale light. Moisture in the air. Paralyzing pain. Smells of the forest; wet soil, dried branches, decay, a mouse. Then there's sounds washing over my throbbing head; rustling leaves, the wind, a pitiful whine. Then there's something nudging at my shoulder, and I look up, terrified, into yellow eyes. The smell. 

My alpha. 

Alpha shoves at me roughly, and I comply, rolling onto my feet and standing up with difficulty, pushing through the pain in my legs. I pant from the exertion, and shake my body weakly. Then alpha begins examining me, sniffing at my body, and I just stand still and try to settle. The air is so cool against my tounge, the smells and sounds so vivid, it fills me with strength, and I shake my body again, resolutely, wanting to feel more. Everything around me is earth and alpha. I feel so overcome with it all, overwhelmed by the joy of finally being free. The air is so fresh and brimming with impressions. There's so much to examine. I put my nose to the ground and walk around, taking in the the area. There's been others here, big and small, but noone to challenge the territory. Only alpha. I turn around and walk up to him again. He doesn't move as I examine him. He's perfect. He's mine. 

I flit my eyes to his: He's so stoic. Too stoic. So I place myself in front of him, challengingly, and lower my chest to the ground, ready to spring up. He ducks his head to observe me for a second, then jerks and lunges at me, growling loudly in my ears as I twist away from him. With his head down I manage to bite down around his ear, hard, and he yelps in pain, making me let go immediately. I feel triumphant as I pause to look around us for any signs of disturbence. Still there's noone. Alpha growls again in warning before he throws himself at me, and I meet him head on, feeling bold, pushing with all my strength against his bigger body. Even as his jaws close around my throat, I feel bold, though I'm eventually forced to roll over on my back, exposing my belly to him. I still feel bold, even as he sniffs at me, and stands over me like a prize. Once he releases me from the game, I quickly stand up and follow him as he trots ahead to new ground. 

I feel strong and free as I begin moving faster, darting nimbly past the trees and dead branches on the ground. I hear alpha right beside me and I increase my pace. I feel strong, powerful, as I run through the boundless forest, never finding signs of anyone but prey and alpha. I map out the new territory, the vast expanse of soil and wood and life. Our territory.

After several hours of playing and scouring the terrain, he begins steering us back to where we came from. And when he finally walks into the small clearing with our little nest, I somehow know it means it's over. No more running, no more playing. I trot around the clearing, considering whether to run off. Alpha would not accept it. But I don't want this to end. I want to play and run forever and never go to sleep. So I try a different tactic. I pad up to him and watch him. Then I suddenly leap, dashing rapidly back and forth to engage his hunting instinct. I snarl at him mischievously and snap at his ears. But instead of playing, he just pads over and lies down in the nest. I growl at him, frustrated, but he doesn't budge. Lousy alpha. I ignore him and pace around the fringes instead, whining in my frustration. But in the end there's nothing to do. So I walk back and lie down next to him, where I belong.

...

I wake up to the sound of rustling leaves. Alpha. My skin is icy cold, and I can see my damp breath in the air. I feel Ben's heavy arm around me, the other acting as a pillow under my head. The several points where my skin connects with his, there is a warmth blooming. How does he do that? The world tilts dangerously as I lift my head from the blanket, that's drawn up over me. Still in the clearing. Still both naked. 

"Hey, sweetie."

"Mm." I can't form any words yet. 

"Do you think you can sit up? You need to get dressed."

I do as he asks, fighting my instinct to stay under the blanket where there's some resemblance of warmth. He helps me put my top and shirt on, then my soft hoodie. He hands me my pants and jeans, which I shove on as quickly as possible. The more I hurry, the quicker I can get under the blanket again. Once I've slipped on my wollen socks and boots, I draw it back over my legs. Ben sits beside me, tying his shoes, still shirtless. I help him drag his shirt and sweater over his head, before draping myself over his back and just breathe the cold air for a minute. I can't believe we were naked in this cold just a moment ago.

"How are you?" He puts a large hand over mine, that's holding onto his chest.

"Weird. Cold." I nose at his neck breathing him in. "I'm glad you're here."

"Good. Do you want to head back?"

I nod and hum in agreement. Getting up on my feet is harder than I expected: I'm stiff and sore and all of my joints hurt. I don't feel so tough. But Ben drapes the blanket over me and takes my hand so it's not too bad.

Once in the car, he turns on the heater immediately. After five minutes or so, I begin shivering from the cold for a while, before my body finally settles and I feel the heat beginning to spread in my cheeks. Ben stops by the first 24 hour fast food drive through we come across, and we sate our hunger. I gradually become myself again; I feel stronger, rejuvenated even, though my body is absolutely wrecked. But my mind is sharp. At four in the morning in a parking lot outside a fast food restaurant.

"You look better."

"I feel better."

"Was it... how you imagined?"

"No." I almost feel guilty saying it, but it's the truth. "I always forget how bad it is. How much I regret it in the moment. But it was good, too. I can tell someone in the back of my mind is very pleased." I smile up at Ben, who is listening intently. "But it's still... It still feels like going to sleep and not knowing if I come back. It's scary."

"Okay, sweetie. I'm glad you can talk about it, at least."

"You don't feel that way?"

"No. I trust my wolf. I know it will keep me safe."

"I don't think my wolf even likes me. And I suppose I can't blame it."

"Maybe it will like you. If you let it out more often."

"Maybe. Can I ask- do you remember what happens while you're... in it?"

"Bits and pieces. I remember more from this time than usual. I remember you."

"Oh." Shit. What did I do? "What do you remember?"

"I remember feeling useless, when you were in pain." 

"I'm sorry." I offer, helplessly.

"Not you fault. I also remember your smell. And I remember you running so fast I struggled to keep up. It was as if you knew the place already."

I smile at this, something in me remembering the feeling. "Yeah, I think maybe I remember that too. But no, I've never seen that place before. Did you ever live there?"

"No."

"Can I ask you about your grandfather?"

"Okay."

"Why did he leave the place to you, and not his own children? Were you close?" 

He hums in thought, before answering. "I don't actually remember him. He was supposedly a very eccentric and very cruel man. A genius pianist and composer, but terrible father. My mother says he mostly ignored her, as he'd set his mind to make my uncle a great pianist too. I suppose that's why my uncle is the way he is. Him and my grandfather had a big fight, one time, after he and my mother had moved out, and not long after he burnt down the house," he sighs, looking up at me again. "While he was in it."

"Oh." That sounds really sick.

"And he bequeathed it to me," he adds. "My mother used to say I had his temper. Maybe he saw himself in me."

What?

"Your mother... compared you to her terrible father, who killed himself?" I scrunch up my face in disgust, just at the suggestion.

"I suppose so. She wasn't exactly one to hide her opinions. She prided herself on telling the truth."

"Bloody hell."

He shrugs. "I don't really care about any of it. I don't consider any of them my family. Expect perhaps my grandfather. I didn't know him, and I feel like I shouldn't judge him based on what the people, I hate most in this world, think about him. And he did give me my own territory, which has been convenient for me.

"I agree, you shouldn't judge people second hand. Even if he does sound kind of evil. The place he lived was anything but. I've never seen anywhere so beautiful. The nature felt... alive."

"You looked beautiful in it."

A slow smile spreads across my face. "So did you." I look at him, recalling the image of his wolf form. "I ought to do it again soon. Next month maybe. I'll be warmer then, too."

"I think that's an excellent idea. Do you want me there?"

"Of course! I'm not ready to run around in the woods without a chaperone! I'll get myself in trouble."

"I do seem to remember you being a bit... troublesome."

"Sounds like me."

We finish eating and clean up the trash. He leans in and kisses me thoroughly, surprising me somehow, with his tenderness, that I didn't know I needed. I'm helpless to do anything but return the kiss, letting myself sink into the bliss of his lips and tounge sliding over mine.

"Alpha," I sigh when he lets up, and he looks at me like he wants to kidnap me. Like he believes I belong to him. It makes my mind think about my heat. He looks away again and pulls out of the lot, getting us back on the road towards home. I smell a hint of arousal from him, and I automatically drop my eyes to his crotch to confirm it. I restrain myself from touching him, but I suddenly can't stop thinking about my upcoming heat. I know it's months into the future, but right now it feels immediate, feels as if I should hurry to make plans for it, so I don't risk ending up somewhere unsafe, and even worse; away from alpha.

"My heat is in march."

His lip twitches for a split second, revealing a flash of the white of his teeth. He doesn't answer at first, just grips the steering wheel and stares at the road as if it'll bring us home faster. But I'm okay with waiting for his reply, now he knows.

"Tell me what you want for your heat, little one," he finally asks, eyes still ahead.

"You," I answer matter of factly. It's as simple as that. "I know it's far in the future, but I just need to know. Will you spend it with me?"

His lips part as he breathes out heavily. "Yes."

I feel content. No need to plan any further, I only need him. He will take care of the rest. 

Not once during the drive does he take his eyes off the road. He opens his mouth to speak several times, but he stops himself each time, and just continue driving home, while our ready and willing scents hang in the air between us.

I feel lucid.

When we finally arrive home, we both hurry inside, where we can finally act freely without worrying about ending up in a ditch or being arrested for indecent exposure. I grab onto his arms and his sweater, wherever I can get a hold, and I lick at his throat and bite his ear, with increasing agression, while he ignores me in favour of shoving down his jeans and wrapping himself in a condom. I slide my arms around him, one hand on his asscheek and one over his shoulder, and I drag my nails into his skin, raising red welts in the trail, until he finally responds by turning me around and trapping me roughly against the wall. We both yank down on my jeans, and, sweet mercy, he finally slides his rigid member inside me, while I shout 'yes' at him all the way to prevent any doubts in his head. It hurts beautifully; his fingers creating blooming bruises in my flesh, as he makes space for himself inside me. Once he orgasms, we gradually collapse onto the floor while I greedily milk all the pleasure from him as I possibly can. He feels divine inside me. While still catching his breath, he pulls out and turns me over to trail wet, uncordinated licks and kisses down the skin of my torso and belly, before gripping my thighs in his strong hands and sinking his sloppy worsip to my core. I come with his name on my lips, wishing he were closer, so I could bury my teeth in his neck.


	8. Predator's lair

I wake up to the sound of my roommate clinking her breakfast plate in the sink. Good god, I'm tired. I check my phone; 7:30 and no messages. Finn won't be here for another hour and a half, so I roll over and pull the blanket over my head. In 24 hours I'll be cuddling under the same blanket, but in Ben's double sized bed. Our double sized bed. We'll be sleeping together every night from now on: When I wake up from a nightmare, I won't be alone. We'll have lazy morning sex as often as we'd like. I can have cuddles every night before going to sleep. So soon.

There's no way I can go back to sleep now, so I just get up and go to the bathroom. My back is still sore from cleaning and bending over cardboard boxes all afternoon and night, yesterday. Maybe someone will give me a nice massage later. I jump in the shower and imagine Ben's oily hands all over me, substituting them for the showerhead. 

I finish, and get out and get dressed, feeling refreshed and a little excited for the day. It's incredible how my stoneaged babybrain can manage to miss him this much. I shoot him a text: 'Me and my showerhead thought of you this morning.'

'Good morning to you too, sweetie.' Hm, no bite. 

I eat my breakfast while perusing the state of my room. All there's left to do is put the clothes in bags and pack the kitchen and the bathroom stuff. It shouldn't take too long. I brush my teeth and then get started on the bathroom, before Finn's knocking on the door. We get started on packing the kitchen, which takes way longer than expected, because we have to wrap everything in paper, so it doesn't crack. But it's oddly therapeutic, and gives us ample time to catch up. 

"I feel like I only just moved in here, and now I'm moving out."

"Yeah. You're a little crazy."

"I guess. Maybe if I lived in the old flat I could have waited longer. But I honestly can't wait to get out of here. It's so tiny and noisy."

"Maybe it's destiny saying you should be partying more. You know, hanging out with people your own age."

Oh my god, he's only three years older than me. I flip Finn off. "Maybe this is destiny saying you should be nicer to your best friend."

He only smirks in response before picking up another flowery plate and wrapping it up. I can't believe how long since it's been just us.

"This is nice. I've kindda missed you."

"Yeah. I can't even remember the last time we hung out just the two of us."

"I know." I've been a shitty friend. "I should have made time, there's just been so much going on." But I made time for Ben. I'm just a bad friend, really.

"Hey! It goes both ways. Besides-" he pauses, picking up a new plate, "we'll always be good, Rey. No matter how much times passes we'll still be best friends. We're family."

"Jesus christ, Finn, you're going to make me cry!" 

We finish up and Finn pulls up the car out front. I text Ben, who's currently home, clearing out the cupboards and shelves to make space for me. 

'Done packing. Loading the car now, so we'll probably be there in half an hour or so.'

'I'll be done soon. I'm making lunch for us.'

We begin carrying everything down from the third floor; six flights of stairs and into the back of the car. The stuff is heavy and unhandy, and afterwards, when we stand on the sidewalk beholding our work, we're both panting and sweating from the exercise. Three pieces of furniture, seven boxes and three bags of clothes and linen: All of my possessions in the back of Finn's borrowed Sharan.

"Twice in on year, Rey." Finn pants next to me.

I pad him on the back. "You'll be paid handsomely in pizza, Finn."

"Thanks. I'll try to hold on to that thought, when I'm having a heart attack."

I go back upstairs to check everything is in order and pop in to say goodbye to my roomie. I'm glad I spent the last night in here alone, because it's slow to sink in: I won't be coming back, because I'm moving in with Ben.

As we drive towards my new home I become a little excited about seeing Ben again. The last I saw him, yesterday morning, we had sex in the shower before he had to leave for class. Apparently my body is ready to go again. It seems these days, my body is just run by the horny, prehistoric part of my brain, leaving no space for decency or moderation.

When we pull up outside Ben's flat he's already there, and I just jump out of the car and straight into his arms. He hugs me back and scents me, holding on to me for so long I have to pry myself off him. It makes me feel treasured. He missed me every bit as much.

We carry everything upstairs in three trips, and Finn parks the car. The flat looks the same, except Ben's turned the sofa, so there's space for my desk by the window. We carry it over and I sit down by it, catching my breath. 

"Phew, no more heavy lifting for me!"

Finn plops down in the sofa behind me, spreading out his arms in exhaust. "Focus on the pizza, Rey!" His own sweat glistens on his forhead as he speaks. We're so gross. I look out the window at the little playground in the yard. I'll be sitting here many nights in the future, studying and writing. 

Ben calls us over for lunch, and we all sit down at the dinner table like normal people. He's made a little buffet of sandwich fillings and we all make our own. It tastes so delicious.

"You're so good to us, Ben!"

He smiles at me, but just keeps chewing on his food. He feels a little distant. Is he mad about something? He get up as soon as we're finished, then starts getting ready to leave the flat.

"Where are you going?"

"Grocery shopping." He ties on his shoes and turns towards us with one hand on the door. "Don't leave the flat. Promise me," he adds in a stern, rushed tone, that he sometimes uses when he's feeling uncertain about something.

"I promise."

He nods and leaves. 

"What was that about?" Finn asks, still nibbling on a slice of cucumber.

"I don't know. You want to help me get this?"

We pack the food away and do the dishes, before turning to the more interesting task of unwrapping the boxes. I put all the clothes away, and I realise that Ben has about three times as many clothes as I do. Several of the shelves he's cleared for me are still empty. Maybe it's a sign I should buy myself some more clothes. Or steal all of those band t shirts he never uses anyways. I imagine wearing his shirts, not just at home, but in school too. I would just be covered in his scent everywhere I went, apparent to everyone. I go and bury my face in his shirts, inhaling the faint scent, just because I can. When I go back to the living room, Finn's on the floor, unloading the heavy box of cds, onto the music shelf under the tv.

"They're sorted by artist name." I inform him.

He turns around and looks up at me. "Not anymore they're not."

Well, fuck me.

I sit down next to him and start sorting them. We have plenty of time. I slide the cds in and out of their places, putting everything back in natural order. I'm still sweaty from the hauling of boxes. Everywhere.

"Could this be considered exercising?" I ask him while leaning back on my hands for a break, fanning myself. My back is still aching painfully. 

"You're so puny, Rey."

After I've finished the first row, Ben comes back inside carrying no less than four bags of food that he then proceeds to store away. Is this a weird alpha response? I know food is a thing for him. Maybe he's overwhelmed, by having to share everything? Splitting his whole place in two?

When he's done, he turns around to face us. "When is Finn planning on leaving?" The way he says it, makes it sound like he's a little child. As if he isn't sitting right beside me. Is Ben jealous?

"Uhh, he's staying for pizza, at the least. But, maybe he'll stay for the rest of the weekend. Since I like having him over, and it's MY flat now, too." I expect Ben to get angry and snap back, but instead he just shuts up and flushes, embarrassed at being called out.

"Of course. I'll be in the other room." He then leaves. Again.

"What the fuck," I whisper to Finn letting my frustration show. "Is it just me, or is he acting like we just broke up and I'm moving out, and not the other way around?"

He shrugs. "Maybe it's a werewolf thing? You said they get protective and territorial and all that. I'm a strapping guy, Rey, you can't blame him."

"Very funny."

"It's probably just a misunderstanding, Rey. He probably thought you'd be having sex on the furniture by now."

"Ugh, Finn."

"You want to go figure it out? Or you want to unwrap this mystery box?" He says, gesturing at the one with my notebooks and wall art.

I point at the box. No more conflict for me right now. I'm too exhausted for it. After shelving the notebooks and stacking all the frames in a heap against the end of the sofa, I pull out my phone to find a new message from ben. Childish.

'Just dont leave the flat.' 

What is it with him? I can feel the frustration boiling inside me, but I just push it back down. Does it have something to do with Bazine? Is she in town?

We unwrap a few more boxes together and order our pizza. When it arrives, I just leave Ben's on the dinner table. I know he heard the door, he can come get it himself. We plop down on the sofa and put on a movie, while devouring our food. I'm beginning to feel a little strange. Hungry, except not hungry. I want to cuddle up with Finn, but at the same time, I can't stand the thought of touching him. I keep watching for Ben to come for his pizza, but he stays behind the closed door. He is so obstinate. I feel uncomfortable. Clammy. When my phone vibrates with another message, it makes me curl my lip in annoyance. What is it now? 

'Please tell him to leave, Rey.'

"UGH!" I stand up from the sofa, unable to stay calm anymore. What is the matter with him? Why is he hiding in the bedroom like a moody teenager? Is he regretting that I moved in? Why would he suddenly change his mind?

"Why is it so fucking hot in here?"

I stand and walk straight to the freezer, yank it open and put my cheek against the cold drawer inside. I almost cry in frustration. Everything feels hopeless. 

Finn pauses the movie and stands up too. "Maybe you're catching a fever? It really isn't hot in here, Rey. And you just ate; if anything, you should be feeling cold."

A fever. 

Oh.

Sweating for no reason; being easily frustrated; aroused. But my heat is not due until mid march. That's two and a half weeks from now. But I guess it's not that far off. Maybe it's the birth control pills fucking up my hormones? Is that the reason Ben is acting strange? Could he smell it on me? Before I even could? 

Oh. The stocking up on food; the 'don't leave the flat'; the rudeness with Finn. 

"Uhh yeah, maybe you're right. I do feel kind of down. Maybe we should call it a night."

"Yeah Rey, now that you say it, you do look like shit. Especially with the added effect of you trying to hide in your freezer."

"Shut up," I say weakly and let him help me back on my feet. The touch of his hand against mine feels repulsive, so I yank it back once I'm on my feet. 

"Wow there, don't throw up on me!"

"I'm okay." I don't feel nauseous at all.

He begins picking up his things and putting on his shoes. "It's a good thing you don't live alone anymore, now you always have someone who's obligated to take care of you when you're sick."

"Please go home and abuse your own relationship, Finn."

He opens the door. "Call me if anything goes wrong with you two, okay? I'm not far away."

"Don't worry, we're fine. Say hello to Poe for me."

"Will do."

He leaves and I close and lock the door. I feel so hot and sweaty. It's making my brain turn to mush. I turn around to see Ben looming in the doorway of the bedroom, looking grim and red eyed, like he hasn't slept in days. My feet start moving towards him, my face scrunched up in discomfort until his scent hits me, dark and heavy and everything I need. All my aversion melts away, along with my self control.

"I'm so sorry, Ben." I reach him, walking into his strong arms and he hugs me securely to him, while his erection presses into my belly, impossible to ignore. He then draws me inside with him, stepping backwards into the bedroom and closing the door behind us. I feel like a prey being dragged into a predator's lair. 

"It's not supposed to be for weeks yet," I whisper into his collarbone. "I'm sorry."

"Shhh, baby, it's okay. I'm sorry I was so crass." 

He keeps staggering backwards until he hits the bed and pulls me down in his lap, and onto his clothed hard on, making me wet for him. I feel so strange; like my body is going too fast, telling me to rip off our clothes, while my mind is dull and sluggish. 

"If I had known, I would have sent him away sooner. I'm so sorry, Ben."

His arms tenses around me. "You didn't know?" 

"No."

"Oh, I'm so stupid. I'm so sorry, Rey. I didn't even consider..."

"Please just hold me."

"Yes. I've got you. Sweet omega." 

The words make my belly swoop and radiate a calm throughout my body. We sit there for a minute, as close together as possible, every part of me clinging to him. I press my open mouth against his neck and just breathe, recieving his opiate scent straight into my lungs. 

"You still want the bite?" He asks me softly.

"Yes. Do you?"

"Yes."

I can't believe it's finally going to happen. When we talked about it, it seemed so far into the future. And now I'll be wearing his mark around my neck. I'll be looking at my own on his neck.

"It's going to be intense, okay? You're probably going to say some stuff you don't really mean, and that's perfectly fine. I know I will. And you don't have to worry about any of that."

"Say what?"

He sighs. "Stuff like I want to get you pregnant."

"Oh." I feel myself blushing and getting wet, as if he'd said something really sexy and not something... I definitely don't want.

"But it's just the rut. It doesn't mean anything."

"So you're going into a rut?" With me?

"Yes, sweetie. That's why I had to do the grocery shopping immediately. Neither of us will be fit to leave for two or three days."

"Three days! I usually only stay home on the second day."

"Oh god. Don't..." His face twists into an unpleasant grimace. "We'll talk about that another time."

"Does this mean you'll finally give me your... your knot?" I finally manage to whisper. I recall the days after new years, when he went into a rut. He sent me away with tears in his his eyes, begging me to leave, because he was terrified he'd scare me away or hurt me, while he was in it. It was all kinds of miserable.

"Yes, Rey." He strokes a hand against my lower back. "You'll be locked around my knot within an hour."

"Oh." The image of him, sweating and trembling with pleasure above me sends a jab of want through my stomach and I automatically grind my self against him. I realise I've soaked my pants and jeans with my want. Can he feel it too? "I'd like that, please."

His lips slowly curl into a devilish grin, even as he gingerly strokes a hand down my hair. "Please, what?"

"Please alpha." I get the urge to lower myself to the floor and kneel before him; do anything to please him.

"Good girl. My good omega."

"Mmh." I feel so content and ready for him. My whole body is flushed with desire. My skin is scorching hot, and without thinking about it, I just start pulling off my shirt. He doesn't protest or say anything, just helps me get it off. Once I have my naked breasts against his clothed chest, I realise that it just won't do, so I pull up his shirt as well. Finally! The feeling of his cool skin against my breasts is such a relief, such a satifaction, that I'm content to just sit like this for a couple of more minutes. But his hands disagree, as they start drifting across my back, once feather light, then firmly as he presses me closer to him. I squirm onto his erection, hopelessly noticing how many layers of clothes are still between us. When I realise we won't be able to get them off without having to part, I whimper in defeat.

"Shh, little one. I'll make everything better." 

He turns us around and carries me with an arm under my back, hanging from him like a baby monkey, as he crawls into the center of the bed. He lays me down on the soft blanket, putting a little distance between us. I whine from the loss.

"I know, sweetheart. I'll get you what you need," he tries to soothe me, while removing his own trousers. I don't waste any time in trying to get rid of my own while still lying down, and he helps my drag them off where they bunch around my feet. The cold air against my boiling, slick core is liberating, but I only enjoy it for a second before Ben has his mouth, right there, adding his warm lips and tounge to the sensation. I want to curse at him, but I forget the words as he inserts his fingers into my burning cunt, and everything is too much at once, and not nearly enough. I only know, the only thing that's good enough is his cock inside me. So I whine and I squirm, and he has to put his hand on my hip so I don't obstruct his task.

"What do you say if it's too much?"

I can't focus, can't remember what words are, I just need him inside me. I feel a drop of sweat slowly dripping into my hairline. The sheets are damp beneath my lower back. Then the warmth disappears from my mound, and the fingers inside me still, cruelly. "Rey? What do you say?" He asks sternly and I realise, I have to concentrate if I'm going to have any chance of getting what I want.

What did he just say?

"Lemon! I say lemon."

"Good. Do you need to say it now?"

"No!" I yell at him, outraged at the suggestion.

Luckily, instead of getting mad, he just resumes his efforts, adding another finger inside me, with some difficulty. He then lowers his lips to me again, sucking and nipping, and it sends me right out of my head, and into my body. I feel everything: The wet slide of his fingers moving in and out of my body, the hand firmly gripping my thigh, the warm lips slipping over my sensitive flesh, the overwhelming sensation of his rough tounge dragging across my clitoris, and it sends me into a sudden orgasm, that snatches me into its clutches, somehow reconnecting pathways in my brain, enabling me to talk again, without any kind of filter. 

"Please don't stop. Please, alpha. Please, stop it. I don't... I want your cock. Please, don't make me wait. Just give me your knot. I need it so badly, alpha. Please. I need you inside me."

He pulls out, and I feel him moving above me, nudging underneath my thighs, sinking the matress on each side of me. I can almost hear my own heart beating. I'm so ready for him.

"Open your eyes, sweetheart."

I don't realise I have them closed, until I look and see him towering above me, his knees tugged underneath my thighs, nudging them up and open for him. He has his hand around his bare cock. Nothing between us. His chest and face are flushed red, his mouth wet with my slick, but there's a self assured smirk on his lips and a wicked look in his eyes. He knows exactly what he's doing to me, he is in complete control: Strong, confident and at ease in his role.

"Alpha."

He strokes his long, hard member lazily, and I can't tear my eyes off it. I want it. When his hand glides towards the tip, it reveals the bulge of the knot, lodged close to the base. It looks more swollen than I've ever seen it: A big, round lump that's going to lock me onto his cock, keep me in place as he empties load after load of his seed inside me, filling my belly with his child. 

I realise that he's showing off; proudly exhibiting his strength and his virility for me. He will make a good mate. A good father. I feel a cool drop of arousal trickling down my burning cunt. I spread my legs even further, trying to get closer to the smooth, dark head of his cock. 

"Please let me have it."

He calmly lets go and reaches instead for my hips, dragging me carefully up into his lap until his member rests against my thigh. I can't stop my body from gyrating against it, while my hands caresses his knees carefully. He grips himself again and aims towards my entrance, rubbing the smooth, wet tip across my trembling flesh. I can't not look.

"Tell me what you need, omega." I almost don't recognize his scratchy, baritone voice.

"Please mount me. Please." There's no filter. No shame.

Then he pushes against me, right where I want him, and I hook my feet behind his back so I won't slide away. He shoves the girthy head against me insistently, gripping my hip for leverage, but not until I arch my back, angling myself, does he slip inside.

"Ahh!"

He feels so large inside me, pressing everywhere, hot and unyielding. I clutch at his arms for more contact, as he slowly begins dragging his member back and forth inside me, strained at first by the narrow passage. Soon he's all the way inside me. 

"It's too tight, Rey," he groans frustratedly. "You have to relax. You have to let me in, sweetie."

I frown at his words, as he keeps steadily fucking into me, building up the tension in my belly, until I realise that what I'm feeling is in fact his knot, restricted by my opening, unable to pass. I try to force my body to loosen up, but it's impossible as each of his thrusts only adds to the irresistible tension in my body. 

His dark eyes gaze into me with determination, his lip curling slightly at the strenuous effort. He shifts to grip both my hips in his hands, pressing me against him. Finally he leans down to my neck and laves his wet tounge over my sensitive gland, and the feeling is so overwhelmingly good that it promptly makes my body go lax, as he bears down against my cunt, finally forcing the knot inside me. 

"Fuck!" He pants and nearly slumps completely on top of me. I feel as if on the brink of sleep, the brink of climax, the brink of something otherworldly. I don't try to squirm against the delicious pressure, I am just completely limp in his embrace, having accepted his rule over my body. He holds my hips in an iron grip, while he carefully sits back up. His face is furrowed, scrunched up like he's in pain. "Tell me you're okay," he forces out.

"'m okay." I manage despite my drugged state. Uselessly I try to grab at his wrists as if to pull myself up, but I have not even a shred of strength. Somehow alpha understands and he lifts me carefully with a one hand behind my back and one pressing down on my hip, to avoid jostling the point where we're joined. He puts my arms around his neck and holds me closer to him.

"Hold on, sweetie."

I do. I'm filled with contentment as he starts moving inside me. My body is brimming with the satisfying sensation of being stretched around his knot. Of having consumed all of him. I feel so full, so wet, so pliant.

"Good girl. You've just completely given in to me, huh? You're taking my knot so beautifully, just letting me fuck you."

He puts his hand back where it belongs on my hip, and gradually resumes fucking me. He soon thrusts into me vigorously, with only the few centimeters of ease his knot allows us, while simultaneously forcing my cunt down around his cock.

"My perfect omega. I'm gonna fill you up with my semen."

He builds up inside me, and I'm so close to bursting from it.

"Good girl, taking my knot so well."

I close my eyes in concentration, grinding my clitoris against him and focusing on the mounting pressure low in my tummy. It feels so good. Then suddenly he's biting my neck as he ejaculates inside me, the feeling of his sharp teeth tearing into my skin excruciating. A strange garbled noise erupts from his throat, his grip bruising my hips painfully as he humps against me. I feel delirious. My eyes roll in the back of head. I can't tell if I'm climaxing too, because there really is no difference. I float. My body gently laps against his, like the waves against the shore.

After a while like this, he extracts his teeth, replacing them with his soft tounge, slipping wetly over the wound. His thumbs sends goosebumps accross my skin as he strokes my sides. Then he pushes against me again, crushing against my bundle of nerves, once, twice, three times, before he comes again with a groan. My entire lower half feels swollen with it, oversensitive and brimming with tension.

"I'll give you such a pretty, round belly, omega. So full of my seed."

I hum, concentrated on the feeling as I slowly squirm against him. He slides his hand lazily up along my burning skin, until his thumb reaches my nipple that he brushes against tenderly.

"I want you to take your pleasure from daddy's cock, little one. I can feel your need."

He turns his head a little, and I realise everything. He sucks in a breath as I brush away the black hair sticking to his skin, to reveal his gland to my eyes. Swollen. Red. Obscene. 

"Take it, omega." He presses against me, stimulating my clitoris, the heavy bulge of his knot moving inside my full belly, while he brushes his thumb against my taut nipple, and I come crashing down over him, savagely sinking my teeth into his flesh, delirious, insane, swept away.

"My good, good girl, milking her daddy's cock. You just want all of it, don't you? You'll be carrying our child soon." He starts humping against me again, petting my tummy, and coming once more inside me. "Yes, so full of my come."

I don't answer him, I just keep my teeth lodged in place as he carefully lays us down on the mattress, pulling a blanket over us.

"You marked me so well, my good girl. Sweet omega. You just rest now."

I have finally made him mine. I hold him inside me. I feel his mark in me, stinging pleasantly. I let my tounge soothe my own mark on his skin. I've never felt so safe and loved as I do right now.


	9. Step Out

Once we step under the trees the air goes from hot and dry to pleasantly warm and humid. Ben's hand in mine feels heavy and strong, and I'm not so nervous as I thought I'd be. Or rather my mind is calm. My body still trembles.

When we walk into the clearing he spreads the blanket over the earth, and I begin removing my clothes, as slowly as I can. My heart beats faster, and my hands shake on the buttons, but I try to remember how I felt, walking with his hand in mine. Secure. When I've stripped everything off I turn to face him, standing there all tall with his chest and feet bare. He reaches for me and I step into his embrace. My hearts beats against his sternum and my body trembles in its vulnerability. I am really doing this. 

"I've got you, sweetie." He strokes his hand down slowly across my back, then up again, as if he has all the time in the world. "Shhh. You are safe."

When he lowers himself to the ground I follow on automatic, not wanting to loose the contact. He nudges me gently to sit with my back against his torso, then promptly slides his hands around my chest and stomach to press me softly against him. 

"Close your eyes and just breathe, sweetie." The weight of his hand pressuring my ribs is grounding. "Listen." 

I take a long breath and concentrate on the sounds around me: The faint whisper close to my ear as he breathes. The wind that rustles the leaves above us. Birds chirping in the warm summer evening.

"You hear the trees and their leaves?"

"Mm."

"They've been here for hundreds of years, sweet one."

I listen for them. Feel small in their presence.

"You hear the birds?"

"Mm."

"They'll settle down soon to make space for us to rule the night."

I feel another presence in my mind, awoken by the images unfurling from his words. Curious. "I feel her, Ben."

"Good, sweetie." He breathes. "Let her be. She'll come when she's ready."

"Okay." I try not to reach for her or give in to the urge to pull.

"You feel my hand on your chest?"

"Mm." It feels wonderful.

"I'm staying right here with you. I'll keep you safe."

I sigh in lieu of an answer.

"You feel the breeze on your skin?"

"Mm."

"It touches everything in the forest, Rey. The high and the low both. The familiar and the foreign."

I feel her taking up space inside my body, feeling exactly somewhere between foreign and familiar.

"And the breeze doesn't care about any of it. Nothing you can do, will change it."

I tighten my grip around his hand to communicate... something. 

"All of these things are part of you, Rey. The trees, the soil, the life. You are not a visitor. You belong here."

He says it with such reverence my heart stutters and resumes beating at a different pace. She grows even bigger inside me. Stretches out lazily.

"You feel all that life? The raw power of it? It's what you carry with you everywhere. A force of nature, inside you."

Before I really realise it my bones begin shifting, pulling at my muscles. It's supposed to hurt, but I'm still too enraptured by the force around me, by the sound of his voice, to have time to fight it. 

"Open your eyes, Rey. See the moon?"

I do. It bathes me in its light. So powerful and so rich, a silvery white light that drapes across my skin, bursts through my scars and memories and senses. An endless source of light.

The pain cuts through me, lifting me in the air, but pressing me into the ground. It feels slow and quiet, the agony stretched thin, so thin I can study it as it passes by. I can se how it accompanies the colors and nuances of the scents around me. Somewhere behind me I hear the soothing voice of my alpha.

"  
There is a liquid sky all over the world  
Tonight it comes for your body  
It comes to set your soul alight  
The cards have been dealt  
From our hands they will melt  
There is a liquid sky all over the world

Step out my sweet one, hang loose  
Chrystal cherry drapes, you can choose  
We have the moon to bathe in  
We've let our dream begin  
Step out my sweet one, hang loose

Ahh the liquid sky turns me on  
I speak out your name  
Long after you're gone  
So I'll give myself in  
And it'll make me spin and spin  
Ahh the liquid sky turns me on  
"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: "Let your fingers do the walking" by Sort Sol


End file.
